i think.. then i stopped end it with a smile.

a. happy that he still lingers in my brain.
b. yikes busy sked next week.
c. have to travel to miag-ao and meet with rituali there.
d. okey im so excited over meeting harold and lenj and jpc
e. not much with bamboo, but with the idea of seeing TPL people.
f. i had 3 sticks of, yes cigarette.
g. i have to admit i really like to have coffee with ???
h. i don't think he is waiting for my thoughts?
i. ahh yipeeee im so done with month end cramming..
j. whats with heraclitus?
k. everytime i look at you... mind becomes an empty space
l. i am so blessed with a neice to comfort me night
m. and listen to my feelings and the kilig moments.
n. hmmmm when can i hold you?
o. can we stop and talk a while?
p. yehey!! i will make sure i'll visit jenjen to see you around that if you are around.
q. im so bad like im thinking of someone like " who could be ill today?"
r. i need to see my cardio.
s. its been long that i never get to rid emy bike?>...
t. hmmm scooter needs to be use.
u. i want to talk with you in just about anything.
v. rest assured im still reading your blogs, but can't comment -- reason?
w. who needs reason?....
x. i imagine you walking and suddenly i grab your hand and ... we smiled and we walk together... la lang feel ko lang.
y. hayyyyy tani man ang no, i could patch things up.
z. i have to admit i am not beautiful.
z.a. bf is around nah.... hmmm missed him at work...
z.b. this guy who keps me on the ground.. hayyyy
z.c. and that there are just some people who would still settle for sexy, beautiful women with big boobs and tush,,,,ugh! highly sex appeal...
z.d. but then thats okey since im not that kind of girl anyway.. so its okey...
im not affected, but then... i still want to have cofee with you... hehehe

love you harold! hahahaah.... as if this is you! i can't find the freakin' dot!
these are just products of my such the only beautiful part of me is my brain! yeah yeah ,my brain... is beautifull... and i can create a much more wide array of love lost friendship lies deceit cowardice innocence bitchyness life idiots doing what ifs and what nots even medical terms like.. dengue! hemmoragic fever! and movies like ratatouille and ang pagdadalaga ni max oliveros or a love story?... yikes! see i can do that.... betcha didn't know... i miss your comments! he!.. mo' hugs!!!! haahahah swack na swack ....

im here....

im here not knowing what to do
what to say
it seems that i have gone too far
gone too far that i don't know how to react

i thought all the while i will be just recalling
trying to fix the issues
but then it sudeenly seeps inside me
ahhhh
unfathomable.... that what it is...
and it leaves me just like that
.....

all i know is that i never stopped loving....
and that there was never a time i did not love...
and that from a far i shall just continue loving you...

for i know i can't be me this me... if i have not found love...

God, thank you for such feeling and complex emotions.. thanks for showing me how much can i give and how much can i recieve... .. thanks!

for now i will rest and think of how much love i have...

im just here in one corner... thinking... loving... filling the void....

regresa a mi

i've been drowning me self over il divo lately.
thinking of what if and how could it be?..
then it came to a point wherein again i cannot understand
perhaps its just the way things are,
put me self to sleep after the song regresa a mi... unbreak my heart

and then i dream...i dream of you ...
walking with you...holding hands...talking
all that have been so nonsense became full of sense
with meanings that only you and me can comprehend
of which i have not understood during the time i am wanting to understood.
we look at each other...
you gave me the smile i have been wanting..
just a smile, the smile that lingers through my brain
and keeps my heart pumping.. skipping a beat....
you gave me big great hug, feeling your tender and the warmest hug ever
we sat by the bench, its like i have a big angel on my side
when you hoold me by the hand
i though of i am wanting you so much...
you never talked of wanting me
never asked me "how about us"
or there could be "us"
there could be a time that could be "us"
thoughts came rushng,
in my dream i owned you
in my dream i have touched your deepest soul
in my dreams i love you
in my dreams i know you were mine,
in my dreams i have hold your hand
walked with you
talked with you
kissed you and in my dreams you hugged me.


and i woke up... realizing that...
i know i cannot have you since i know i cannot posses you
why?.. i might be losing you after...
that i know i can love you at a distance
that in my heart i know that i love you
to posses you all to myself only to mysef
is such a big mistake i am going to make
selfish and i know you won't be able to live
you have been living your life free
as free as a flying bird...
like a bird, if put in cage even if i will take care of you
feed you and give you water but since i am possesing you all to me
you won't live longer, for you belong to the world
you are to be flying free.. you are to be for everyone to see at a distant

i then shall just continue loving you at a distance... regresa a mi... let me be... let me love even in my dreams.. even at a distant.

and so my questions we're being answered.
that in my dreams i have loved you fully.....

---- still i have this uncontained emotions. though i know that dreams wasn't enough
but still im grateful for such, fulfilling my dream over a dream.
and i know that not all dreams come true. but it gives meaning in what we call life.
now i don't have those nightmares... becuz i know i will dream of you. and that in my dream i will love you.

Harold

i confessed that i am so obsessed with HF... told him and he said " ngee"...
i have these obsession with harold... " to die for!" ek?....
i miss singing with him.... i miss all ... few of the happy moments i have with him is when i saw his fingers... in piano play mode... and when he starts to sing... and when he snore.... and when he sleep like an angel... and when he walks......hmmm how long he takes his bath, ... click of a lighter and the light that lights his cigarette, the lips that touches the cup when we are having coffee, the hands that slips inside his pocket to get a coin... i envy his pants that touches his legs, i envy his shirts that touches his body... that's all i don't wanna go deeper... too obscene... (sht. i'll be punished by harold!). love to see his hairy arms.. those hairy arms.... and when he tries to fix his eyeglasses.... sexy! indeed he is super sexy funa. his smile that could melt the chocolate ... but watch out if he is so not into the idea of smiling over the issue or the thing that is being talked you can never tell... but i can.. yes i know i can... i am so into him.. so much..of these wicked thoughts for you my dearest friend.. hay.. is all i can say.. oh my God... you are so awesome in giving me this person.. where i can marilou on.... heheh love you much harold!

it hit me.

9.15am bank transaction - was in a hurry for the cut off of checks for deposits,
listening to ipod - muci ?... il divo's i believe in you"... it so damn shiet good to start a day with a nice feel good music... inspired.. so the lyrics goes like this

Lonely The path you have chosen A restless road No turning back One day you Will find your light again Don't you know Don't let go Be strong

Follow you heart Let you love lead through the darkness Back to a place you once knew
I believe, I believe, I believe In you

Follow your dreams Be yourself, an angel of kindness There's nothing that you can not do I believe, I believe, I believe In you.

and how could you not smile and think of all the possibilities that lies ahead?
as i was waiting for my number to be called -- i texted lenj to ponder on " feelings do not think!" and so he replied " my heart has mind of its own.. by xtian bautista... cute..
and then yes bank did took lots of my time.. so i end up lunch at gaisano city, at greenwich so i got me self a tuna and tomatoe and sarsi cola.. hmmm light.. yep.. and then still goes on with eleven minutes reading... so i thought of wow! paolo coelho writes so vivid.. i can even picture things out .. what is going on and at the same time feeling intense over the issue... ahhh when paolo coelho writes and i read... then i dream... correct!.. and then i thought of buying another book perhaps will hoar down PC's novels..

12.30nn - at store. check account updtes etc.etc.etc. then blog. i blogged every nice and funny and nonsense thoughts i have.

i feel that i am complete --- centrum complete. haahh centrum should pay me for this... becuz its part of my daily life.. i want to be complete so i take centrum complete... but the bestpart of the day is having coke, sarsi or sprite... coca cola philippines....pay me pay me! heheh .... as if im not eating 3x a day... and not smoking 5 sticks a day.. am i?.... wohooo.... il divo rocks.... and i love thier biatch manager... simon cowell you are doing great! having those men dress like armani models... and then having that great voice?... hey.. you should hear harold sing and you'll be in awe how this person sings... with all his heart and mind.. through through.... hail.. harold.....

there was never a time i stopped loving

i could be just an ordinary lady
but then i know it won't stop me from being one
so i took the chance of changing your life in an instant
i took the chances of giving sweet kisses on mid air

i never knew it will haunt me
days night mid days mid afternoons...
i just can't stop it
indeed it is life changing,
especially when it starts at 3am
to all those first coffee cup in the mornings
i thought all the while its your life i'm changing
i never thought it could change me life too
as i was never demanding

but then i thank you for i know you made such an impact
to my being
to what i believed
and will be believing
life i thought i knew
it became better when i met you
though i knew i don't matter much to you
so leave you with with all of these thoughts
that i knew could give you much of peace
and shall we be at ease

i never thought i could love again
.... for i knew ..
there was never a time i stopped loving..
i continue, i shall continue
will be going through and through...
just loving you

for my other

almost forgot - - THORNBIRDS

i bought me self a treat..... THORN BIRDS... series... oh my a sin i so love this series... now i have it as my collection.. lenj yes you can borrow this,
im not into priest or something, it just so happen that my world somewhat evolves them...aheee... and if ever single blessedness strikes me with flash of thunder and a scrrettche of lightning.. then be it.... life with them is bongga!


thus the saying in my right side of the pane of my blogsite is thornbirds.... its a must see ... heheeh.. forbidden love, lies and deceit... ahhhh love is complex... unfathomable. i still want it.... i want love......

08-29-2007 4.54pm

yeah a while ago i went to pay my pldt bill.. and then i huried to get me self a sit while wating for my number ot be called. thoughts.

was about to open my book to read to pass the time ... then i remembered .. the last time i paid my bill here is.. i saw someone here whom i know very well but too shy too say hi and smile. wohoooo crossing my fingers... i don't want to disturb his personal space as i was shocked too...

and then number 5 please.... billing.... there goes my number and then i stand there for a while to line up at the cashier... then i thought of imagining someone coming in .... and smiled... all the while i was just thinking of hayyyy....

and then im back to my chair... facing my pc blogging not letting anyone or anybody to tickle my brain to think of something else... becuz i want to blog... okey?... you understand that?... i cannot contain all what i feel now .. so i have to blog... and then clink clank! japanese client enters over her problem over hier laptop crashed!.... and hard to communicate with her.,.. but she's good she's quite very good, and very pleasant to talk to... but very bubbly, more bubblier than i am, perhaps she's trying to communicate and trying not to blow up our patience... but she's good, see she cried over her hard disk carshed... reasons.... brown out number one and then its 3 years old already... wahhh emotional japanese lady... and while iw as tryinig to explain to her what happen and everything adn then i got tired so i got exhausted i let my head tech to take over and then hooooo... she bid goodbye.... and told me " slamat geek!" ahahah actually its guid but she's cute... okey i can smile with that and then bang! back to normal phase of thinking... my PLDT expereince... mind you doc marie came with a sponsorship for med stud council and order of asclepius?... what the... okey endorsement again... hmmmmm
okey will deal with that sponsorship later.... for now i have to get back to my work... and i shall scoot out of this shop... heheeh.... enough is enough i don't have my ipod with me.... i left it somewhere... it might be under the bed or under the pillow or at the bathroom or sofa or hmmmm eaten by george?... no no no.... its just under my make up kit at the dresser... called by my maid of honor! okey ... i need a good conversation as im running out of one.... see you around the ground bloodhound!

TPL

totaly party list fever!
love you harold -- such a beautiful brain... for making the partylist's video..
i didn't know you are so going to put that in a nice video mode... i envy you since you got the chance of doing it, in times like now you ahve to scram over the faces of poor... mukha ng mga dukha?... was it ?? oh my what was it?... shiet! i forgot.. but it sounds like that.. soon it will be in you tube... but damnit! im not expecting this video to go on you tube ha.... ahh mishu.... ayan... becuz i get crazy over these guys... and the other... ahhh.. and now i keep on thinking about me self the what ifs.... see you around the bloodhound!

wednesday08-29-2007

how much you loved, how much you lived, how much you lived to find love...i duno whichever, but they all rhyme...haha...sometimes you av to find time, be selfish for yourself in order to discover yourself again...

MVG

defining selfish -

Caring supremely or unduly for one's self; regarding one's own comfort, advantage, etc., in disregard, or at the expense, of those of others. by- self knowledge

---- that is so rude... being selfish?... ahay ... i cannot do that MVG... there could be time that am soo wanting to do it but no i can't becuz i am a person in love. and that i know sometimes im kinda being abused. but it's okey ( although its not sometimes!) i don't answer to them i answer to God... so there...
movies- i woke up as early as 6am this morning...slept last night around 11pm, in total silence over nothing... cellphone is not ringing after text with lenj, and fr. bobit and fr. harold is not ansnwering perhaps asleep laready,.. before the text marathon with them i was watching " in her shoes" yeah call me somewhat late over the idea of watching these, but i want to watch it again.. and get to a point of feeling good and missing my sister in massachusette( if this is correct.. oh no i noticed i could be dyslexic) ahhh.. scrambbling over word typewritten. -- and then after that went me self to bed read a few lines from the eleven minutes and then buzzzzzz.... woke up 6am, yes and took some yummy bread i bought at red ribbon in front of SPH.. yeyy!!! it costs much but the satisfaction of great mamon is the best... and then checked on my brother who is leaving for bacolod for two nights.. huhuh will be alone again with my neice.. and question why do we have to be left and why is it that others leave?.. emotinal being me... so then i took some coffee... boing! i end up infront of the t.v. watched the exorcsim of emily rose, and then yeah i now understood the whole story and why.. and the effects that made me when i watched it few months ago with bobit and harold together with rens, so that made my morning wake ups of 3 am and 4 am and 11.14pm quite scary... and it all ends up in my subconscious mind. so i watched it again. there wasn't scared anymore ey!... ahhhh.. but it does deepen my faith... its more of like i am submitting to what He really wants for me.. so i let things be as be... eventhough it gets to my nerves.... call it selfish MVG.. there it is....
and coming up with the idea of ... i don't own other people's emotion so i must let them be what they want to be if they won't be with me.... yeheyyy!!! that freakin' rhyme....
and so again i am quite pleased about blogging to fame as i didn't know more of people are blog readers... i thought all the while it's just me... seee .... i read and then i don't comment only to people who are not that unussual.. heheh jokes on you mr nice guy! so thank you for the fame! if ever im gonna win?... rest assured you will be shouted on the airwaves!!! wohooo....... end!
questions that runs in my brain.
1. Do i need to shop?
2. why can't we be friends?
3. can we just stop and talk a while?
4. will i ever get to heaven with you?
5. how long?
6. why am i so into him/her/it?
7. why do i have to be in this disposition?
8. do i miss seeing you around?
9. what is on the movie houses?
10. when can i be with you again?..

---these are just few of the questions that i just can't get some answers smack!
its all either true or false or yes or no... or whattt?.... figure it out baby!....
hope to see you around answers!.. gotta scoot...

how it came into ...

after a while i learn the subtle diff between.... ahhhh for-get-it!

was i heard or not?... i think i was not.. as i dunno if im going to budge the idea of " im too busy to think of your schedule"
and then bang! i knew that it doesn't matter to you... since if it does matter to your i should have not had this hard time explaining to you as to why and etc etc... and then when the time i am explaining things to you of how ti came into that point and into being you just toldme to shut up?... - wtf... no one can tell me to shut the fuck up! ( oops sorry!)and then i entered the world of another uncontained emotion.... the feeling of wanting to get off the place... booze a lot.... smoke a lot..... and bang! ... Deear God, forgive me if i have been sooo not so understanding lately of the situation that i have strayed away from your light that i have been too blind to see how your goodness overflows... and so i have the thought of being a bitch and again closing down the four corners of my brain and focused on selfishness........ sorry..

but then i again i have to do this thing inorder for me to release the tension that shakes my hands and keeps me insane or sane?... or both? or in between.

wedding blues...???...i call it not... its a matter of attitude.... if one hates confrontation.. and i say it is not... arguments... yes... its arguments that he shove off his shoulders.. that he is afraid to admit that such is existing.
so telling me to shut up will help?.. no it won't... not all things are better left unsaid. not this one. as this matters to the relationship. and it seems im drifting away from the idea of ... shall i bear this for the rest?... and now it seems like i have this button infront of me to go for deal or not deal? ... but things are not the way it has to be dealt with... yes or no... and sometimes things do need some explainantion.. inorder for the other to udnerstand ... and then the feeling of full importance and existence and then loving and understanding the other... loving comes first.. since it is the first thing that both of you have discovered.,
and it will be the last basis of your last decision... for me it does.. i dunno with the others...
my brain is connected to my heart and my heart is connected to my brain... one cannot function without the other... when the heart stops beating for oxygen.. brain damage we get, if brain stops functioning heart attack we get or no... i think when heart stops beating... death becomes us... the reason why at first we embrace the iea of loving and tehn we end it with love... i dunno with others but this worked for me...
-- i admit i am such a big not fan of med though i admire med persons for their persistence and hard work.. so if this si quite disturbing to med people.

--- at the end all i want to ask myself before i die is... how much i love .. how fully i live to love and how much i have touched by my love.... its now a question of loving... living .... learning .. and then still loving...

to jpc and lga... add me up ym...
see you in cyberspace!

15minutes

saturday - - yes was at roxas
sunday - - spent the time with brothers and kids... picture taking galore... i enjoyed the idea but when i saw the chipped part of the lens .. ahhhhrggg... sell and buy a new one.. thats the best soution... instead of buying the lens for 25thousand...
i duuno if that will do.
monday... had lunch with my ninang after 28 years okey we meet and she's soo cool... single... and a practicing doctor at LA -- so yes she has been staying at US and hmm i never thought they own the cabalum western college.. arghh!! ok we meet and updates... haaa... and then wedding.... arggghhhhh
then now in front of pc... check the others blog and then start me blog...
i miss and kinda ups and down my moods are ...
1... i should not be talking and thinking about the other.
2. that i have to set me self in not to expect.
3. if i know that i will be frustrated over someone's idea of lots lots lots of reasons as to why it wasn't and cannot be done.. or simple idea of doesn't care or the idea of " whatever".. no concern or how to freakin' lend a hand even not asked for... HAVE TO DO IT ON MY OWN - to not to feel the hurt and being not heard.
4. i miss again.
5. yeheeeyyyy i got a hug and kiss on my forehead yesterday..... i love you papa! mising you!!!
6. then i again i still want to ahve the nice quiet and a moment of conversation with you. ehehehe
7. the picture idea of bf....
8. kids makes me crazy.... its like the ffeling of sobs between hiccups... duh! how can i do that!
9. yehaaaa... im going to watch bamboo...... alone?.... huhuhuhu?......
10. i think im going with marie.. marie i love you for going with me... will regi be coming also?
11. shoudl not think of the other.
12. see.... sometimes giving love is a simple act of sheer stupidity... after that you feel wink wnk wink!!! i dunno! intoxicated!
13. if i will wait..... question is how long?
14. holiday?... for me it feels like just a regular holiday...
holiday to me is when i recv a text or a message that after reading it i can stand there and think of nothibng.... and wear a smile.. that i know i am alive and happy... that's holiday....

what i wear on my face?

----- uncontained emotion of life love and relationship......----
i love and then i let go i let go and then im holdin' on im holding on and it seems the other want me to drop the idea...... adn then it again repeats the cycle....

one

i am soo fulfilled.... im am smiling and having this uncontained emotion... call it marilou.. but then i love the feeling.... i love it!
one! somewhere out there....

babies..

thanks to MVG for giving me the thought of babies... its not becuz im so wanting it .. though i cannot hide the idea, yes i would want to -- catch is i could've settled for just having a child and won't even care in having a partner bf or husband you may call it....but then i had the grandeur of talkin' to mi papa while on a long drive back to city, and i was told that that happens to becuz of some circumstances... and everything floats away.... what if i cannot handle the idea of having a husband and then having to take care my family?... OMG.. so i dealt with brainstorming over that idea... summing it up multiplication and then whala! i got to a point that i won't jeopardize my baby's situation.. haaa.. indeed being a mommy and a wife ??? that entails lotsa of great big decision... an that i have to have great or maximus patience and muchos understanding over another human being born out fo me... and then a husband to take care... -- depression stricken me as to question my being of ?... what about me?... ahhhh that entails the idea of selfless love... then i admire mommies around the world.... and hate the stinkin' guts of kids who turn away and not havign tog ie thier mom the real dues that are supposed to be given to them... attention and much of appreciation for what she did, yeah fathers also has some share but that does it after a short eleven minutes of sex?... ahha joke yeah i know my father really wanted me so much.. thats why he never stopped fighting my mom over having sex (my brain is telling me like this!) inorder for me bella theresa to be born... ahahhaah... see wonder why parents fight?... its either lack of sex or the caring attention of mothers.. ahh wonder why fathers have anxiety over the idea of getting married.... maybe like that.. i dunno but maybe thats the conlcusion i get after hours of thinking what lies ahead of me .. takign the road of getting married and start havin' a baby... i could've had the chance of having that baby.. when i wa sin college but then i never thought of ... what if i had?.. shiet! i could've not accepted the idea of my baby not having his fatehr around for his father could be a damn super fuckin' (sorry 'bout that!) one slack male pig! yeah he is pig.. i forgive him. hell to him! ahahah.. and so thanks to MVG for the great big idea and now ic an see mys elf bearing the child of mine sooner like five years from now maybe... happy thoughts.. over the idea of " errrrrrrr""""" arrgggggg! sakittt!!! haahhaah.. or before that .... giving my tummy a stroke.. hey MVG you can do that too.... ahahahahah... joke... i know you're reading this.
and then these are ones and twos and threes...
1. im now roxas ...
2. shared some happy thoughts and happy memeories and shared my new found friend.
3. will be going back with happy thoughts for last night i thought of after a while i have learned that i don't own anything... what i own is only my feelings my emotions... thats what i can only manage... and sometimes i stumble and fall and again.. back to zero..
4. i have to finish the book 11 minutes.
5. sorry harold i have to hoar your pc here at the seminary.
6. my brains bleeds over the idea of future life and what it brings to me, i cannot just simply answer que sera sera
7. go the highlands like where i am right now... in a hill in a semianry... up the fourth floor?... where i can past the trees and enjoy the good serene sound except for the clicking of my fingers through this keyboard.. and plus plus plus... healthy and fresh air.. kay la ko di gani sigarilyo...haiz!
8. guitar is hovering my brain ... gibson or yamaha..???... money money....
9. i have this uncontained and unexplainable feling for now...
10. hope that his duty does intoxicate his ideas in life...
= == what lies beneath my humaness is a being who cares much to the world and wanting to give joy and make life a little bit easier and contentment after all... after all life is -life....

unknown

having all the high hopes
thinkin that everything will click
in a matter of few words
in just a matter of days
i never thought i could be this heart and guilt stricken
but yes, i am so pleased knowing that all the while
my issues over past is coming to an end
and that i have to beleive in some things happen with a reason
that sometimes we do not know, even reasons do not know

and now i succumb to the idea
pondering on robert's thoughts
yes i have to straighten things up
i have to draw the line

but still iw ould want things to end up like
friendhsip that is more essentially fulfilling
thats what my goal in having friendship
even in relationship.

i will be such a hypocrite not to say that i don't admire physically
but hey i know the limitation....

i want what is beyond that...
though plus factor is the physical thing
but still after a while i know a lot of them are not
drawn out of physical attraction to me
call it blind... indeed.. one person sometimes can be too blind
as what st exupery said.... What is essential is invisible to the eye..
so i admire mostly of men/women who could speak their thoughts
speak of what they feel,
speak of thier daily strife
speak of thier daily love and lost
speak of how much uncoantined emotions they have

and then learn from them vice versa they too learn from me
of life love and relationship
thus makes world a little brighter for each other
helping and conveying thoughts
that to others is just a mere foolishness
but the hell with the others
what's important is
how much we love
how much we truly love
and how much we really loved
at the end i am not going to answer to the others
but i know as i beleived i only answer to God

the one who gave me much of love
unceasingly loving me...
loving you
loving us all....

ahhh i need my papa's hug....and a kiss on my forehead!

oist! should've changed my nick into hug hunter! haahha kiss forehead pops!

come across

okey i have been reviewng comments on my blog entries, and then i thought of wow.. is he that so over into me... ?? but so sorry i just can't find it anywhere inside my heart.. but he is good... he talks much of sensible and some essentials in life.. like "It may be true or otherwise. one thing i'm sure of nothing happens for a reason. Perhaps God wants you to do something, only you could do. Yes you are right God is brilliant... but no one could ever phatom God's depths. Otherwise He would cease to be God.""For me, even if you die today or tomorrow doesn't matter. Because it is not how long you live life but it is how you live the life. YOu have touched so many lives including mine. And you are closer to Him than anyone else's outthere. You have done so much at 26. I love you and if you die i will cry. So whatever happens and before anything happens let me tell you this I will always there for you. My soul will search yours, surely.".... eeeehhhhh.... he's long been gone
yes harold, i have to stop this marilou thing.. its just so nice to think that i have fooled him.. joke..
once again ... "I may not be an official visitor but i know i must be part of it, perhaps entirely. It is easy to claim how much love one has for another but it is difficult to manifest it if the one you love is no longer there. I opt to leave not because i didn't love but because i have loved so much to the extent of being oblivious of myself so to speak. i cannot contain the love i have for you and day in and day out it sprouts rapidly like daffodils in winter. this is why i am where i am right now. Let me tell you this, there was never a time when i didn't love you.
barney"......
yayayayayayyyyy!!! yes ahhh love does not end.... but we can be fooled sometimes... crossing my fingers indi lang ko... i have been there like i was used... nahh me not going to mention names here as i cannot get him into troubles, but lately we met but i never dared tried saying hi and hello... action?.... nothing happend, we dont know each other. in the first place he does not deserve to be treated as human to my eyes. he is a one tough dog! that expereinced made me more of a ruthless woman over one pack shiet of a man who makes woman as like a one damp cloth on his kitchen counters. still i admire persons who can speak loudly.. and can speak louder...!!! of what they feel.. even when comes a time they have to think and look back that it wasn't ....

11.20pm

goin' crazy.... my brother is trying to twitch something over his airsoft gun and i was just there taking pictures of me... hahah i join them playing once in a while at the back of our ancestral house in oton, and yes.. that was the rush of blood... the idea of crawling and trying to hide through the bushes and splash me self in a shallow watery part of the so called jungle .... that was fun, mind you i did it.. we won... hahaha! ahhhh war freak!!! and by the way... i feel excited... and then tiresome .. so i have to ask for a moment of full body massage... ahhhh revitalizing... tired... tired becuz i have to rush papers and some reports.. and meet with the attorney ASAP ,.... still im excited hmmmm.. missshuuuuu..
daddy joel called and haa same thing its all about mountain climbing and exploring what's out of the city life., but now i cannot do that anymore. i stopped three years ago. then i was this soo vibrant over caving, mountaineering that i would even go for such like a week of life in the jungles of maasin and exit at alimodian, overnyts to napulak... caving a at dingle, haaa... with deafs and sme volunteers with mountaineers.. and then after i bought me self a bike, a whooping 32thousand .. that time its like " grabitadddd!!!" now its in the other room... after the 45 degree angle stunt i did 4 years ago?... which the doc did a 15 stitch on my chin and a 16 stitch on my arm and a butterfly on my forehead?... hahahaah and jaw breaking experience, and a swollen face?.. damn shiet! i love rides! im addicted to the feeling of wind blowing on my face.. but never a rock and a blood dripping on my head... and then a blood that never stops bleeding on my arms... phew! just had a 30 minutes ride or almost an hour from the city and so excited to go 45degrees downhill at sta barbra, during that ime the proposal pa lang ang airport... then kblag! i souted weeeeeee... boink! ambulance man ko pabalik iloilo.... hay life... and i was told by my brother ha! bionic woman...and then after that i stopped. ..... . whew! one thing that i hated during the time i was in emergency room is that the needles... hate needles... cylocane you call it?.. ahhhh that med... hate the needles still, and then after a few weeks i have to return to get the stiches off.. see MVG take note the intern who tried to get the stitches off my chin and my arms.. was eating a chippy - - funny and irritating things is when she did took the stitches i can smell her fingers like chippy.. so she did not even tried to clean herslef... so i said " are you done with your chippy?" but phew.. cannt blame her due to stress and maybe bullied by other older docs or interns... so i shall forgive her but hey what if it happens to a critical person?... hay naku.... life savers?... candies?... and then funny thing happen is when i was saved by my breasts!!! yes my breast! brownout and i was so wanting to eat talaba at eric's that was 3 years ago too... i end up in a dry manhole.. which bruised my shin... deep... and i was like.. ugh!!! there goes my talaba nights, so i was rushed to my bf's home as he was driving the terrano, which i am the one supposd to be driving, but since i was to lame and to drive that time, so it happend, and then what i hated the most?... again... anti tetanus injection... haaaaaayyyy... called up my friend and told them! " hey did you know that i was again got into like a freak accident?... " i was freakin' save by my breast?" now i have these to thank for.... hahaahah ... and then someone texted me that he is imagining how i kiss... damnit how could he do that?... so physical so i stopped by him by telling him... abi pag decide na para tapos na ang antus mo...ma pari ka guid bla?... hahahaha... so he was stung by my words that led him back to where he belongs.... its 1.48am, mosquito bites! time to rest the nights...
before i sleep let me count them in....
1. hugs and butterfly kisses.
2. hugs and butterfly kisses.
3. miss you partylist.
4. hugs and butterly kisses.
5. im going to roxas.
6. puff puff puff and away.
7. trying to get the chance to make mommy cynch and soon to be a doctor marie a healthy sandwich for a treat.
8. cook another specialty ( new food again!)
9. a hmmmm cocktail drinks? or juice?
10. hugs and butterfly kisses.
11. what no good movies?
12. ahh of life and what goes around... talk?>.. no one to talk muuch about these stuffs lately... chona and the rests are busy with activites...
13... ahhhh i go for the idea of joining me brother for a airsoft
14. hugs?.... anyone?
15. i should be singing a song for you.
16. life
17. hmmmm... nice massage ...
18. i so like to ahve coffee and a very good conversation.. well if you start...
---ends....---

anger mngmt - and something else

that is nice, they took the seminar, i just don't know if papa is one of the participant or facilitator... ehheh miss you papa! miss talkin' sensible things or maybe things that are sesible to me ... just a quiet time ...

whats on my brain.... starting 1.15pm.

woke up 7am, tired of singing my heart out after each blog i made early this morning.

took a bath--- long bath...

then munch on sandwich...

off to see the barangay captain for signature

then off to seminary - - at last nakuha ko na whoooping ten thousand paymnt from disbursed money last saturday for that muslim bling bling seller...

deposit the check, jeepney ride and had all the thoughts of fun fearless happiness and the thought of blog is alive! hahahaha....

and then i felt a sudden urge of " i want to stop here.. like right here in this street!"

so i did.. naug ko jip ah.... tripping lang....

then i smiled... simple things makes me happy, happy thoughts that lingers...
the feeling of having someone whom you don't know much but simply respects my ids, and egos.. heheeh (ids guid yah!) and super ego... ahhh all yes indeed lingers subconsciously... but knowing that it is like a euphoric feeling... the feeling of hmmm uncontained happy emotions.

i have been singing the vivaldi's rain and have known the lyrics' translation ... its cute its like i will recommend this to those who are still looking --
yes papa bert i know i have to heed your words.... " baby hm hmh hmh m na bla... "

goey! im like stuck in the idea of happiness aka cloud nine...
and i am trying to dig in to the feeling of wayback into love... the real score...
what it entails... the reality..... paused for like 2hours....

and then i caught myself - - - with talking soo pleasant... whhhaaat??? yep i did, and you see... and i was told that " kanami sa imo mag talk bla".. well infact struggle guid ako over talking slowly... as i know fully well that i talk fast. and blabber most of the time.... eheheheh especially if im in a hyper mode!

see marie knew that something is going on... hahahaha when she heard that hyper mode is on... hahaah... toinkies! will talk to you about that marie.. aahhhmiisshshuuuu

and then.. i noticed that okey gle mag talk slowly galing to others when i talk slowly they think im kinda BORING! haahah fakelam ko s)(*! i like the idea man at least am getting a little learning each time...

innards turnover! oist! i need blood profile check up and platelet counts and also EKG.. ar i have to get me self log in for doc acosta na lang... and that i have to tell him.. osrry i have been such a bad girl.... doc i like you clinic! eheheh nice music you have... but then my heart skips... not in tuned! eheheheh so i need you to check okey... do some test... just don't make turok turok the injection okey! you know i hate that.... hmmm thinking of " sino kaya pwede OB Gyne?... hmmmm


whhhattt?? no good movies?.... shame on me.... its a wednesday night and no good movies?... helllo you can never caught me watching tagalog movies... much better to watch epic movies like curse of the golden flower! eheheh

and then i come across to this song...and it stayed in my head... oooohhhh.. lss namn ni.... by elton john....
I want love, but it's impossible A man like me, so irresponsible A man like me is dead in places Other men feel liberated

I can't love, shot full of holes Don't feel nothing, I just feel cold Don't feel nothing, just old scars Toughening up around my heart

But I want love, just a different kind I want love, won't break me down
Won't brick me up, won't fence me in I want a love, that don't mean a thing
That's the love I want, I want love

I want love on my own terms After everything I've ever learned Me, I carry too much baggage Oh man I've seen so much traffic

So bring it on, I've been bruised Don't give me love that's clean and smooth
I'm ready for the rougher stuff No sweet romance, I've had enough

--- see this is kind selfish no?... sounds like?... hahaha...
... i want love... actually i need i just need a big great hug from my best friend.. who is in seminar right now still with anger mngmt... huhuhuh

ooopppssss.. time flies so fast.... have to scoot... let me think... see you later blogger tonight.... hehehe

could it be.

ahh yes even a person committed need someone to talk to other than bf/gf.
picture this.. in abench, not talking. but just sitting beside each other... corny but yes i think i like that, especially when best shared with a friend. someone who understand thoughts without saying any word.
okey.
you have been in my thughts all the while
you who i see from a far
you whom i thought i would never give a smile

you who have been storming my brain
you the person i cannot see
'tis you again whom i know i long to see

ahh you.. you make me feel brand new.. eng! curve side!

its you i wanted to ask.. can i be your friend?
lame of me not to ask what are we here for
is this a coincedence?
ahhhh pinch pinch pinch
think think think
are you destined for this... look at you...
you have to go back to your bed, read the book and that will help you sleep...
stop looking at yourslef at the mirror and
blog! gdnyt! ahh life ----
when you can't get enough sleep.. the twitching in your brain is so intense.
too much sleep?... brain freeze! boing!

hearing from you?.... sleep!

--- this is what late night coffee and puffs.. does!

i just don't get it.

questions in my brain
that shall be answered by my heart
uncontained emotions and pain
all i know my heart will just skip and that will be a treat

a treat to me doctor and then he'll tell me... MVP again
ahay.. im killing myself in squizzing out what i really felt for now.
i just can't make it.
go for numbers and dots.

1. its 2.09am, im not yet sleepy.
2. will have to finsih reading eleven minutes
3. best line read to day is " life moves very fast, it rushes us in heaven to hell in amtter of seconds" thats from maria ... in PC's eleven mnutes.
4. yeah call me late bloomer with paolo coelho, but the deal is like i still love blog reading.
5. hmm i miss my hugs.
6. charlotte church entertains my ear.
7. yup good music heals my subdued feelings.
8. hala ... la pa ko watch movie... oh yea bourne ultimatum i did.
9. will watch heffalumps again.
10. i love jacky chan's ads over credit card.
11. still my nail polish is black
12. hmmm may pimple ako!!
13. bimbim cuteee can you be my youner bro.. that i never had?
14. harold i miss you
15. robert i miss you
16. lenj i miss you( but will be seeing you with bamboo!!!)
17. sister... you know youa re badly needed by me.
18. i wanted to do something before doing something. and that i want to have agood conversation!
19. miss na food ?.. nino's pizza
20. ang guitara ko.... huhuhuhuhu... i want to have you in my arms....

-- i jus don't get it. im not yet sleepy......
la man may ga sabat sa mga text ko... aythe!!!!

and so i replied. as i have promised.
but before the replies thing no... i caught myself holding my hands frequently. the reason is loneliness seeps in my veins.. the very thought of i need to go to the north! im waiting for the invitation sent by bimbim, and by then i think i could smack schedule and hmmmm refresh .... still it depends how the invitation will be processed by my crammed up brain and my jell-o type heart! hehehehe.. im crazy! i am!! he said so they said so... carry ko kaya! ha! JPC woke up 10am! wohoooooo bag mo harold ari pa di ay! heheh.. hmmm what else... ey try to listen to charlotte church's "even God" ahhh its like a simple question we always have each day.. faith faith faith! and then what else, went to oton for dinner and get back to city by 9 am, brother is fixing his airsoft gun and talkin' about jing gong! yateks!! and then the word for tonight is anxious -- in ilonggo- dammit! (ang shoes ) worry na sya actually daw gin panami lang sg mga psych! f()()(( and then regret... same.... nugonnan... hay naku,.... whatever...but we had a good laugh over those words... i call it the battle of the brilliant brainless thoughtless siblings... laugh trip!
and then i miss again the hug... la pa me kita best friend ahh... abi tama na seminar ... heheh sometimes i hate to say this words but please beer( heehh) with me! "pa, la ka na time mag tok sa akun and listen sa mga updates sa life ko pa... galing te anhun ko ina abi kay muna imo vocation!" and then i will cry. kay miss ko sya much... more than my mom. sorry mom but its just the freakin' truth of what i feel. hehehe level? one point lower than my sister! hehehe ... miss the most?... good conversation! but hey hey hey im having a good conversation over blog entries kaya.. so this si just a diff kind but still good conversation.

here it goes... the replies to mr anonymous!

ha.... i so know you. now! what's with anonymous. hahha.. erp?... love care faith hope and trust go together?... hahah yahhh yahhh! hitback.. we are always late! ( we bumped into each other ayt?..)hahah.... i so know who uses these words... -- toink innards are feeling squeezy! yeah smoke to kingdom come! ahah! love that! bakit OBGYNE doctor... becuz i think its the right thing to do babae at my age to have one, -- yeah marriage is a forever thing.. so i better ask me slf again no?... if we will it time will come we will hav the world to .. lets travel! hahaha.... away from this smackering hamlet and thoughtless earth! haah to the mars! perhaps smeone might have the wrong idea of thinking about me during the time of 3am of which i usually do wake up.. its kinda emily rose noh?... ahahah yeah at the end its how much we love. with hugs and kisses... hmmmm i might need to ask my very best friend for that great big hug and great big kiss on my forehead.. i don't know how is he going to do that with very tight sched but i know he will im going to ask for it...
--- ahoy mateyz!thanks for the comment! welcome to the blogger addicts!

okey the dots... hmmm im confused! but WHAT THE HECK... mic sound check... maybe the timing was not just in time..( shiet what a sentence!) fact! common to men--- malipaton! especially notice ko sa mga futuristic one... hahah see you around... and please be kind enough to flash the smile! -- ha! begging?.. no just asking! hheheh anyway its the right hting to do na nowadays.. to help other felt that they are warm and human being too... nheheh ...

--- reverberating--

that word i cannot just ignore as it was used by someone to describe my personality. and i don't know how true. hope he is in good disposition now...

lets snooze! time is 2am! good night bloggers!

committed - -- - in her shoes

i am just a plain lass. i work during the day to get me self an education that i do during night time, it all started in a text messages, i never saw you, i knew you but we never met. i never thought one could do that for me, your death trembled me not becuz i regret the idea of not choosing you to be my partner and not saying yes to your request of "lets get married" -- as my simple answer to that question is just a mere "no" -- and the reason is that i still have dreams of finishing school for my future.. never have thought of you will commit one that i dread the most, i hated you for doing such, and then i pity you for not knowing what really love is in the process, and then i realized that for you love is selfish. and now i am anxious with the thought of why me?... why in the hell this happen to me. i cannot fathom why in the hell you did such with no second thought or such, as you are a person with a brilliant mind, never thought such person with such brilliant mind could be soo low in emotional intelligence... you can master books but never dared master your emotions, and now your cousins are blaming me for your death of which i know i am not guilty of. but why i am having such sleepless nights over the thought of you committing suicide all becuz of me, i never saw you, i only knew you thru text messages, is this a curse or what.... i forgive you for doing such, i will br praying for your soul...

-- story of ruth -- over death of JR...

i got tired.

im supposed to be reading the labor code as i really need to read this for the upcoming late mid year meeting agenda... in fact i bought this book together with paolo coelho's eleven minutes, to which i was kinda confused i while ago whether to get PC's veronica died or this eleven minutes, you see i've been dying since last three days ago when i finished reading By the river piedra... for the third time as i cannot understood as to what happend and how i became... the end. and then i just grabbed the eleven minutes to stop the arguments that my neurons are up to... and then i read other people's blog again.. oh by the way while doing this i found myslef humming and yes singing my heart out with chloe agnew.. the lyrics is sooo damn good that it really touched my heart and yep... last two weeks ago i've been listening to her and then i just can't help it but hmmm went to amazon and then tried purchasing it, but then i settled in emailing my sister in massachusettes to buy me the dvd so she will she said so... ( crossing my fingers) .... i asked therefore i shall recieve... hahaah.. b__ me.. and so here is the lyrics... one world... ( this is so me...)

I hear a baby crying
A sad sound, a lowly sound
I want to take her in my arms
And then I dry away all her tears

I see a boy who's frightened
A young boy with old eyes
I long to say you're welcome here
You can be happy now that you're warm
Chorus:
We're all a part of one world
We all can share the same dream
And if you just reach out to me
Then you will find deep down inside I'm just like you

Loud voices raised in anger
Speak harsh words, such cruel words
Why do they speak so selfishly
When we have got so much we can share?

So let your hearts be open
And reach out with all your love
There are no strangers now
They are our brothers now and we are one

(Chorus 2x)

I'm just like you


----- see... its so me.. so teresa... so so so myself! haahah

blinging!
see i have to do this.... since im kinda giglly over the idea.... see.... arghhhhh he could be one of the toionk!!! ahahah... i go for these numbers....
1. start believing that some things do happen with a purpose...
2. being spontaneous in what i think somtimes makes me think im crazy
3. stop thinking of what lies ahead, instead enjoy the moment and savor its greatness - - the feeling of greatness.
4. still continue to love and care to the fullest
5. still continue to understand and not under estimate the power of other
6. from now on do not just stop counting 'till i loose my patience.. instead continue until i forgot what patience is... hehe joke! it would be the other way around.
7. makes yourself happy
8. do not forget to resolve issues before it gets me into trouble.
9. i need more hugs
10. please explain how can i make people know that i am good?... heheh they thought i am suplada.. well i am... if you don't know me well.
11. don't let pressure ruin my day.
12. help! i am not a moring person. so i ahve to be
13. let love be the reaon why i am alive.
14. keep on reading other people's blog. hahahah
15. continue travellin'
16. have to make something about how to have mor eincome over the thought of having a vacation blast next year.
17. pray for everyone!
18. sleep well and forget about nightmares.
19. stop whatever i am doing now!~ heheheh
20. i need tequila.
21. stop thinking over exes! they've been exed!
22. start writing my personal journal on recipes.
23. stop[ ranting over idiots idea
25. go get me self a OB GYNE doctor
26. try to save for my guitar
27. try to cut down softdrinks.
28. i have to make i real.... am i geting married?
29. i need a hug..... i need a hug....
30. i really need a hug.... and akiss onmy forehead.
see after 30...nothing.... life gets complicated.
i will still be needing the hug and hmmm... yeah need a hug and a kiss on my forehead.....

im doing it.

okey lenj, you read me right... ( see text bla ato.. indi call!) baw SSF ... dare again to put down the phone on me and i'll give you what you want, and then i realized he is extra super busy. and im here holding on to my hands trying to describe loneliness and the feeling of giggles over the idea of snooting around others' blogs... hahaah.. okey so i feel always relaxed reading others blogs. and i just couldn't help it not to comment.. heeh sorry about that if im hurting thine feelings bt hey i have nothing to prove except for the idea of thinking the what ifs... of my past.. like hmmm 15years ago i knew you?... hahah.. so the other was really been very well introduced by me through text to lenj... heheh no worries lenj still have no idea who are yuo anyway.... and that connects... and im still thinking... am i gonna get married?... hmmmm re think re evaluate re examine ngak?! same thought ahhh.... brian is not beautiful for now... i so want to go to the other side but am afraid i might bump into the other small but why i will be afraid? hmm maybe its becuz im not ready to face him and tell him that the other small is a one big ( though he is small) liar!? hay naku.... see you around the other!

and when can i hold you again?

the ussual forget nothings of a med student since they are too pre occupied by the idea of having much to offer for the cause or whatever the other med students are up to. but i don't blame you or others for being that kind (the forget the face vis a vis) and i don't expect you to remember me either, since i am always at the dark side of the earth trying to do something too, that i want to do it in a much safer box and conceal me self. too long for a message.
thanks for the invite! nice seein' you around crossing street havin' that face to smile around after your hard-core duty. heeheheh you might think i'm stalking you, but please im not it just so happen that i have to move around the area where you sometimes are. (winks!)

---- and it did made me smile. the thought of something that clings to my brain, and then i recv a text from SSF - message is " 60 anay ta!" what the .... i replied my brain is totally f__d up and that sometmes i get the wrong message since i think a virus is twitching my neurons to think and process the words or the messages that my cellphone is recving is tumbled! i sense a cute relationship ... a friendship blooming along the course of life's B... and now i promise myself to not to put much effort on the words like F - - B---- and others.... this is a start,
also i miss robert, i miss harold, i miss lenj i miss the place and much more of the best company, and yes im answering his thoughts over blog entries... hahaha i miss you guys much....
when can i hold you.... when can i touch you.... when will this strong yearning end.....

contemplating man eh.

i happen to browse some people's blogs to the other end... and yes i thought of my part... (reminiscing you call it?) and while reading the blog is that i happen to know we kinda blogmore likely... dots after each sentence, but i know that person's blog is much more of a hmmm what word am i gonna use... what the heck its cute. eheheh and so i compare my work over that blog (to whoever you are!) eheh the dots that connects, and so i have to share his /her blog to you as i dunno if this he'she'l know hehe...i just don't know as i have come across this person (yeah i did i always do!) but too freakin' i dunno whenever the time our paths cross. as i see him he is this too far for me to reach, as i thought of i might be the wrong person or the last person he would flash his sweet smile, though i have happen to see that sweet smile but of course not for me but for his friends, way back in high school ( of which you suddenly realized that tis blog is about the person i know during my hiogh school days!) tanga mo kaya! segi pa read! but anyway what the heck as i would want to continue my blog time about this person, he is big, not so big but big!! i know so little of him, but i think as like any other person, he has ll the goodside and the badside, all i see in him at a distant and how i have rad his blog is this kind heart, a human being who is wanting to make life a little bit easier for us all, a little less complicated one person's thought(and that is you!) about making life less miserable, less complicated ... so he tries to understand all his adversities of others and at the same time trying to cooperate in one section where he could be destined from one duty place to another. he is a med intern, he is good as far as i have known him, he is big with a soft heart and soft body( heeheh) he my tabby boy when i was in high school, i dunno if he knew then that i got a crush on him ( and so now i realized that fats and whites and big person are my likes in physical form!) as they give much of comfort and a great big hug when im down! --me thinks he won't be reading this. but then if he will., then la ta mahimo sina eh no?... so there it goes. i have heard lots about him about what happen to his life, and he has a younger sister. they are so cute. they love each other dearly and thats truth that even him could not deny the fact... i think... he is weird to others ( he said so) others perceives him as suplado and snobbish and weird and all the unthinkable people might think of him, but on top of it all he is just being him and wanting to reach out for something and that is to care perhaps not much of a people can be aware of that, though i cannot hate those person who think about him as like whatever to them since i know nothing of them, but then when it comes to this person i knew at distant he is juts trying to be good, and trying to make life a little less mesirable, is just plain big fat guy, trying to make his way to medical studies, he si good, plain and way very simple as far as i have knwon him since the time i was in high school, when those time he was one of the boss of the platoon. ahem. and that does it for him. after all he is just like one of the person i would want to bump into movie houses, catching the first flicks... wednesday movie goers... and he is just the type of aperson who sits and watch and relax! eheheh... go! MG..... i salute you for all your dreams.... and will be mysteriously idolize you for the perseverance! and will always be happy for whatever life leads you to. and will be most happy. the missing link!

one fine day - in the life of Marilou

i was just like sitting trying to let the time pass ... clockwatching as my friend jason would sung... and then i saw my love... staring at me and i took my camera and took the best shot ever caught in the act of staring at me... and then i felt the relief of knowing how much he wanted me so much...


and then i have no time and that i have to move and i that i have to leave him and so i left ... i walked through the footwalk and then all of a sudden i felt that someone is following me... and again i have to be prepared as the footwalk is not that secured area... and when i looked back.. there i paused and a releif and a deep breath and that my senses are coming on i saw my love again... he is sooo into me... and then i took again my camera and took a picture of him catching the momentous time of him so into me again..... those eyes... those face that i want to touch...


and so there ... the time i feel so into him.....

one fine day in the life of theresa --- marilou!

its the only thing

i guess the title is suppose to be like the in betweens... but then what the heck. im kinda in confusion over these thoughts that hunted me while i was having a pee over the thought of why men doesn't care?

first the idea came is when like last night am aboutt o go home, and then i have to ride the scooter( i am a scootrista i think! and so is my bf!)its drizzling... like okey i thought of my self that we have to equipped ourselves incase of a sudden rainfall as in rainfall... but bf did not mind as to him it was not going to pour hard on us... and so we scoot, but for me i have this heavy heart as if i was neglected, i was never taken cared of... like hey baby you need to use this raincoat or poncho so as not to get wet since its hard when you get sick. bit he didn't. so was like biting my lip of two feelings hating his guts and not feelinmg what i feel, i feel neglected and thought of this is the outcome of too hard and too self reliant. and that sometimes people forgot that you too need a simple hug and simple take care f yourself. and for that i now understood that my bf is one of those person who is juts like " she can take care of ehrself, she's big and strong and old enough to decide on what is right"... but to us womens, girls.. we still need that. at the end of the day we long for that i long for that... and when the time comes that i have to remind him that hey im a woman and i need a man to stand infront of me when im down and kinda depressed to make me feel loved and i iknow i deserve that. why do always have to plead for that?

it just popped in my brain

okey i was with BF at ace hardware, and then i get to do some pa tweetumns effect.... and then all of a sudden i saw this kinda what i've been looking for, and then bang! SSF came to mind and thought he mightlove this, and so i bought it, like i got to have two since the other one im going to give it to SSF so yep i grabbed two of the thing its called actually stylish comfortable mosquito net... but the catch is the design not the regular rectangle one and its like medieval type .... huh! and then okey texted SSF if he would love to have one ... so he said no... after a long exchange of text, for some reasons that is reasonable to him and i was kinda like... OMG i think im being scolded for purchasing such not important thing and that it is reality that i get to buy sometimes( all the time) that ends up hmmmm not of some importance. but what the heck, i though of i might use these naman siguro, so thats it, and then when he told me that dengue is kinda grabeh, hmmm never thought of that too as for i thought of the idea as giving it... so since i was exed by this idea so its okey, i think im beginning to have this attitude if you don't want it then its okey, if you do??? much better, but i can go by that idea of refusing man.... hehehe but then there comes a time that hah! im just quick at grabbing things like... i get to reat them and i love looking at them not just them ha... to others also, it makes my heart leap ( the feeling of excitement in between heartbeats!) i like the idea of the feeling in betweens.... its unexplainable... in short... undecided as to what you realy are feeling. hahah... so thats what happens to a mosquito net... -- stylish mosquito net.
and then right after the war of text ( as i may call it heheh) i washed my face with pro-active.. and then put on toner and then the repairing lotion, as i have been thinking of what the heck is going on with my face?.,.. i have been complaining this past few weeks right after the allergy that took me to look like a harrased woman... that i now really need to have that facial thingy, glycolic peel as i have read that it is of fruit extracts, so there i get to ask a friend if she could contact me a home service for that, and then luckily ( it is not supposed to be lucky right?)the girl did not answered as to what reason i dunno, and then thought of calling the aunt of my best seat mate ever.. desi for an appointment but to my cramming thing i always forgot... and so i opt to go for pro active at home, the only thing i don't like is that i will be doing it on my face, i would want someone to do that to me... heheh but then no! none! so thats it,.
but i got a nice lunch over JS and get to talk with life and his vision over his assignment and his idea of not telling others that he is ERAP so thats it, you may call it ego or the other way around... but then i have to respect his decision over that idea, as long as it does not hinders my whatever i stand on and how we deal with each other., he does look good except for the hair that recedes... as like SSF too but more cuter with SSF ... heheh ( allowance ko na!!! jokes!)
and then i get to budge BF of the idea of in yer face thing! like " bf the last time you told me you love me is may 18, 2007, what happen in betweens?... and then i get to ask me self... what happen to me too?.... did i grew tired over that idea of expressing how much i love him?... hmmmm i think i nevr did as i was busy thinking of how can we move to the next level of relationship, and then life's like that sometimes you both get so choked up with the idea of earning money and we tend to forget the idea of what is essential at the end of the day. men are like that
i dunno how SSF, LGA and RBA will agree to this but i bet and im sure that with their lifestyle its like that perhaps, or the very one thing that they would want to do at the end of the day is relax... that they needed there favorite couch, bed, reclined seats, hot milk, cold ice tea or lemonade, a good hearty meal, a bottle of wine or whiskey, scotch on the rocks, a small oderbs ( the french one dunno how to spell it!)or just a plain back massage and a nice conversation over a cigarette and smile and laugh perhaps destressing all the stress... yep... but for us women we tend to wait for them to notice our existence.... ( don't argue most of us! bitch! i do too!) and its kinda frustrating to think that sometims we are being neglected especially if we are too over sure of how the others feel. then we are taken for granted.... can be not true to others but usually it is. hehehe its all up to us women on how flexible can we get.... as for me i can have that priceless attitude over having to put on a cute smile over realizing that i get to be in love with the same person more than twice... and then i know im secured, becuz the bottomline is that's what realy makes me happy. after all only we can make ourselves happy, only we know how to make ourselves happy and only we know whats best and what can makes us happy..... we are just often too dependent on the others. wind it up! i just love living. :)

i just got nothin' here

im stacking up for a much more of a words or literary treat as LGA would call it, but for now i'll pause and will just do something else.... and have thought of humming something out of it.. then perhaps will look after them the time i could be more comfortable in blogging it off.
im quite awed by the feeling so i have to stay with for a while.
i miss you!