another thing

and so again i have to start thinking of those unthinkable. write a story make something out of it.

first i just have to unleash the real deal
i have to empty this one out
once in for all i have to confess
confess the very reason
the very reason of why i have
fallen for you, and how i have managed
to pull it off and still go on
with life, without you to hold on to at night
to help me be in constant reality
the reality that we both created
we never parted
we never talked about it
but i know
you know
we both knew
still life has to move on
without you by my side
so much is there for us
others cannot understand
but still we stand
not on the idea of me loving you through and through
but the idea of we loving each other all the days of our life
it pains me though to know
that what we have is too painfull sometimes
to know even just a mere spark on your side i never knew
was there a time you loved me?...
perhaps yes... perhaps no...
yes because you been there for me after all this time
no because i never knew..
i never felt the reciprocity
hard to accept but i manage to settle with just that
tried so many times but i just cannot steal away
what you are giving me... the reality of us...

i won't hold you back...

see those words.. that song title, that song,,, its lyrics plus the artist... toto..(toto fondly being called by ne' harlene)

told him how i miss him so much
so much to say but i uttered the right word
told him i love you
but he refused to

dunno the reason why
all i know is that
when im with him my world stops
enough with the cry

you can't be mine
that's all i know
we both do know
we both can't have each other

restless and sleepless nights
i wanted to hold you tight
had the chance but never took it
all i know it could break our hearts

little by little we learn that things can be possible
though impossible..
we never even bother to take that chance
we never had the time to think it over

each passing days and nights..
our love has grown
shifted its sail from so much love
to purest friendship you gave
then i knew i was the only one
madly and so addicted to your love

you gave me the chance of knowing
the possibility of loving endlessly
without robbing you off of your integrity
loving so much without losing one self
loving one so much with peace of mind and selflessness

thus i knew how much i have loved you
but i won't hold you back...
if i ever i could have that one moment of
holding you back,,,, it would be so immature to think
of just my satisfaction...
of which i dunno if it could make you happy
if it could make you more of a loving person
life has so much to offer for both of us...
and so i end
its better that we're off
we can do more actually....
love is letting go and not holding back,,,,

love is what i have felt for you...

this gives me time to realize just how much i cared
and love you still so much.

intensity? asking me me? nearly princess'.....
try to measure that up...
i'll be waiting for your coming home....

home to my arms....
but that shall end up in dreams...
in dreams that only you can be mine,,,,

he was here!...RBA

but never got his picture becuz i don't have my cmera with me since i have princess and of course i know that he is bringing with him his new camera... wow!.. the one he bought time when he was at HK.. okey.. so he is missed.. sure he is.. and well applause ye all for him he is the first among the roxas besties to see my princess... see the coming pics of him and princess.. but still i ahve to wait for the time he'll download the pics of prncess and him.. cuddling princess ... of course my baby loves him .. heheheh.. ( maybe princess was thinking like. this one person i remember when nanay was so missing roxas... this person who help nanay get through those bad times... i can feel it!) cute noh?... well perhaps that's what's going on inside the head of princess.... perhaps perhaps... but to our luck... i haven't got the pics yet... the oicture that will be so envied by harold, lenjenie and perhaps juno... aw..
and so we chatted during the dinner... but never talked about deeper issues that lies under.. heheh robert knows a lot about my idiosyncrasies and crazyness... my wacky days and funny moments... those person i hate he knows too.. good thing he listens and sometimes (crossing my fingers!) let it just slip away.. especially if yer going to talk to him like sleepy time.. hehehe.. i missed them stll... my goal if not by the end of this year for sure number in my list next year is to go overnight to the palce i call... consoler!... hihihi... love it.. and luffeeet.... im pretty pretty sure my baby looks good!... robert thank you so much for the alimango!... it did great.. hahahah.. lapaka muntik na dumami... but that was worth it.. like i waited for that for almost 11 months... and then geee i ate so much... and then lapaka here.... and iim kinda squirming hmmmm a bit scratchy though.. and so iterax comes in a handay.. and i syrup of dimetapp first sinice it has antihistamine... heheh.. but iterax realy did the works... hihhi... yowzah!... i love it.. still i love alimango... lukon, shrimps, grilled oysters, grilled mudfish... and sinibawang shells... hahah.. love it.. that sweet taste of shells infused with ginger and lemon grass.. hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm.. hey harold you're missing this right?... lets go back to roxas... hihihi... see you three years from now?.... lets bury our feet in the sand of roxas and then boracay.... hehehehe.... wayfarer?... oinks!..

tuesday is the damnest day of the week for now.

4.15pm went with hubby to pick up tatay at the airport.. so long ride and yes i have princess with me... talking about family ..... hmmm surroundings as we drove past just about everything what happen during typhoon frank and how far pavia is to the city where we both live..
4.45 got tatay out of the airport and then heed straight to thier home. and thought of having dinner at al dente.. which was postponed sinice all are feeling kinda tired of the hassle for the day...and so my princess...
7.45 arrived home turned on the aircon... sat on the bed and tried to conteplate becuz before we arrived home.. we had an argument over psychology thing of the reality of men and the reality of women...
like.. men have been a hunter the reason for them to keep on playing with guns even though they are old and have family...
so women goes being kikay and etc etc etc....
i asked why is he telling me?... and he would just "just trying to tell you"
i asked what for?... " wala lang i just want to tell you!"
but along the process of our conversation those freakin' airsoft and etc etc that he has been doing that i so abhore but keep silent about it most of the time... is bangin in my head...
and i have to be the one to asnwer my question of " why are you tellin' me that?"
becuz he wants me to understand what he is doing?.. oh oh oh NO! i cannot.. becuz if im going to base it on the psysch thinig that he said and the reality of men what about those men i know who aren't like him?... what happen to his brother?... what happen to my brothers?.. its all about priority.. and so i am so silent... i don't want to talk about just anything tonight or even i tomorrow... its such a lame excuse or a reason for him to give me to uderstand him?... and in the first place i don't want to end up begging for his time.. his fuckin' time with me and princess.... shiet!... comes this sunday and he shall never hear from me. by the way princess is turning 3months old this sunday and he'll be at the fuckin' game.
and that does not ring a bell to him... fucked up?... I AM.... im not asking for anything though... i am just ranting my heart out... that sometimes i would end up so damn fucked up to think that " i was right.... "
but then what else ?...
come 8.30pm at home and i have been waiting for this dear neice of mine to finish what she is doinig.. and i was kinda freaked out ovcer her chatting her way out and i wa slike 9pm i need th computer and ther she is acting as if nothing is happening hoaring this damn computer... and so i have to unleash my wrath... so she had the night....
ga init ulo ko mo!.... [puch!