ga kurta ulo ko. part 2

you know i came home from church and my mind is very very clear.
i want it that way. don't i deserve some silence.
i don't need another blah blah blah....
i have my own episodes too.
im not a superwoman who could think about just about anything
and make everything pleasant.
i am human and prone to such
i am not pro active sometimes, because i have some hang-ups too
yes im a bitch. so what?..
its not all the time that i can heed all what your talkin' to
its not all the time that i feel good.
now what. thanks for ruiuning my day.
you just made my day.

thank you.

it made my day more colorful.

thank you.

ga kurta ulo ko.

tak-an ko.
i want to get the hell out of here.
anu pa guid?....
naabot ko mu.
if you want this then come and fuckin' get it.
i resign.
you are such a looser!.. as IN LOOSER
wala ka pulos.
parasite.
mango.
idiot.
imbecile.
moron.
pea brain.
fish brain.


IN THE FIRST PLACE WALA KO DI GAPABAYA.
I DUNNO KUNG ANU GUSTO SG IBAN DA MATABO.

ahh i know kay indi sya kapanghilam-os sg iya nga problema..

sang ari di si kwan wala man reklamo..
ngaa sg ako na lng di ngaa daw damu reklamo haw?...
daw gina bullshit ko haw..
anu ang motibo?
what for?...
tak-an ko ah...
natabuan lang ni nga may bata ko mo
kag ang maid ko yaya ko man at the same time mo.
ang ila gani dre nga ginbilin ga haya haya lang di.
wala guid ko ga reklamo.
pati pagkaun kuryente tubi. TANAN
pati ang kamangu-on wala ko reklamo.

soon i will leave everything behind.
shit. ngaa patulan ko man ni man?
kay ga init ulo ko.
as i have expected.
insecurity swells inside me
gina bantayan ko lang
ako na lang gani nahuya.
and now i will unleash my side.
wala ko paki-alam.
bahala na.
sagura nyo ah.

at the end of the day.
i know i did my best.
kag wala ako sg may gintapakan.
kung ikaw ya gets in my way and you feel like gintapakan ta ka
te tae mo na ya.

hambal lang kmu kung gusto nyo di kay willing guid ko mag give up.
in the first place its time for me to move on.
nakuha ko namn ni sa gobyerno
bayad naman ni ang rent for the year pati tax ( a-hole!)
should i say I HAD ENOUGH?
ahh gle..
i think im having enough.

ang akun nga pasensya subong gina tigana ko sa akun man pangabuhi.
gani indi nyo man pagsagay ka kaun ....
kay mabalos guid ko kung di na ko kapugong.

gakurta ulo ko haliin pa sg december 20 - '08
tani gin bilin ko na ini galing kay may abnormal guid nga namitan guid sya ya mag eksena.
lantawun ta bida mo karun. kung makaun mo sinamo mo.

madinalok na ko ya.
wala pahilabtanay.
the hell i care.
end of relationship!





toink!

its kinda abnormal... but its normal..

i have this thoughts --recurring thoughts over wanting to do a story a blog or wathever para ma extract lng xa sa brain ko... this has to be my checklist.!!... have to!
make a story about 1. my 5 brothers... about 2. each one of 'em...3. my lambkins husband 4. superfriends(though i have made some already gotta continue this...) 5. howay!!!Papa monsignor eh?... 6. my life ..from way back as far as i can rmember upto princess hours.... my journey with them... life with them... thoughts about them.. perhaps a prayer for them... a prayer for us all...
with God guiding us all...

delighted?... well i dunno... i am still thinking how am i gonna pull it through!!!...

ahhh shall start looking back before i step 30... life before 30!... yehey~!!!!!!

what's in the BAG --- and all the kikays in the earth

giddy yap!.. an early christmas for me?... nign!... hahah.. so i got to the place where i once worked... see the place is still the place.. ahihihi...
so here is the bag... bag pa lang patok na sa takilya... shiet ang cute ng paperbag!


so what is in the bag?....

stuffs for me of course... but damn i got a good price for this.. and so i call it best buy ever...best buy so there it is... the red and the blue shirts... aw!.... old navy... i bought it at elleganza and its online shopping... see.. online sya pero i get my stuffs at ECPH and very cheap that i won't even tell you since it might be like.. breaking the price of 'em girls... anyway.... with all those tags and the reality of reality that it is not bugus!.. all are in... check thier sites and malay mo you'll like it too... the way i like them...

they accept also those items not on their list, they'll check the availability...
you know why i like them much?... they get to fill their boxes so fast... and then i get my item fast too... of course there are some items that bought by my deary sister that gets to me (long time! and she makes sure that it does fits well still)... and i could not beleive i can fit into XS of ON.. wow!... but still it depends on the item... see if i took the XS of the pink one.. im pretty sure it won't fit me... love the material... heheh... so the box gets in the philippines faster..,... you see online shoppng does not deliver mostly to our country... hahah it gets lost at the customs!... harhahrh... or at the pier... gone madagascar!... harhahrahr...
and so the fits... sorry for a not so model like body but shiet!... it fit... and it looks good one me.. according to my neice.. or else that dslr camera will come whoosing down her face!,... hahah joke... she's lovely..and she won't do such to hurt my feelings... aw!., sweet... anyway .. a nice shoe?.. anyone?... question is do i need another shoe?... hahaha does this feet goes on barefoot?.... harhahra...hmmm undies?.. aha!... a nice dress... you know those flowing like a river... harhahrha... hmmm i still want some mascara and an eyeliner that would just make my day... and a nice hot bath and a nice foot reflex... aw!... hubby?... where's hubby?... ahahaha... a nice flip flops hmmm havis?... nope!!! will look for ipanema's again... or maybe dragon na lng... hahrahr... perhaps a nice... wow!.. everything that is nice... a skirt.. yes a skirt that is plain in color... one color only... aw!... whoot whooot!!!! have to go get my power nap!... chek the site.,.. elleganza!... speaks for elle elegant..........eh.....zzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZ

i have been

past few days i have been like in front of the computer trying everything... and loving everything i do .. though a bit exhausting since i am a full time mother and a lightly asst to the store and a full housewife... its fun and im loving it...
and so i get to wake up everyday and have that song in my head " i breathe in the beauty of the morning as I awake to a day of blessings i gaze high upon the golden sun shining brightly, giving life to everyone" lyrics by JPC.. love it JPC.. hihihi.. anyway.. yes as i sing it inside my head or sometimes an alternate hum with "salamat guid" to princess during sleepy time.. it digs insid eme as to why.. becuz im so hopeful of life.. grateful for what my life turned out to be.. ever grateful for God to give me this life.. and that hopeful that everyday i will wake up to His ever flowing abundance of grace ( i call it usually providence!)
i was asked by JPC blah blah motherhood...
and i yes I with my head up high... answered.. it made me more so happy to live the life.. taking so much pleasure in little things.. appreciating everything that happens and always on a positive side of of the negative.. i look at life as ever wanting ultimate goal!.. that looking back i did everything and made everything possible to be on this level of life.. (deep?) my deeper sense of understanding of letting things be what they want to be... to live and let live.. to love and be lost and love again... that at the end of the day i know the Lord is always guiding me... this i have been thinking deeply its Christmas time.. why not we think much of what was our life been and be grateful ever to God for giving us life ... of I won't be this "BABY" this "MARIA THERESA" the "MOTHER" the "WIFE".. the "SISTER".. FRIEND... or just simply being "ME"... if not for HIM... Thank YOU so much... because of You, Lord.. I am ME..

another thing

and so again i have to start thinking of those unthinkable. write a story make something out of it.

first i just have to unleash the real deal
i have to empty this one out
once in for all i have to confess
confess the very reason
the very reason of why i have
fallen for you, and how i have managed
to pull it off and still go on
with life, without you to hold on to at night
to help me be in constant reality
the reality that we both created
we never parted
we never talked about it
but i know
you know
we both knew
still life has to move on
without you by my side
so much is there for us
others cannot understand
but still we stand
not on the idea of me loving you through and through
but the idea of we loving each other all the days of our life
it pains me though to know
that what we have is too painfull sometimes
to know even just a mere spark on your side i never knew
was there a time you loved me?...
perhaps yes... perhaps no...
yes because you been there for me after all this time
no because i never knew..
i never felt the reciprocity
hard to accept but i manage to settle with just that
tried so many times but i just cannot steal away
what you are giving me... the reality of us...

i won't hold you back...

see those words.. that song title, that song,,, its lyrics plus the artist... toto..(toto fondly being called by ne' harlene)

told him how i miss him so much
so much to say but i uttered the right word
told him i love you
but he refused to

dunno the reason why
all i know is that
when im with him my world stops
enough with the cry

you can't be mine
that's all i know
we both do know
we both can't have each other

restless and sleepless nights
i wanted to hold you tight
had the chance but never took it
all i know it could break our hearts

little by little we learn that things can be possible
though impossible..
we never even bother to take that chance
we never had the time to think it over

each passing days and nights..
our love has grown
shifted its sail from so much love
to purest friendship you gave
then i knew i was the only one
madly and so addicted to your love

you gave me the chance of knowing
the possibility of loving endlessly
without robbing you off of your integrity
loving so much without losing one self
loving one so much with peace of mind and selflessness

thus i knew how much i have loved you
but i won't hold you back...
if i ever i could have that one moment of
holding you back,,,, it would be so immature to think
of just my satisfaction...
of which i dunno if it could make you happy
if it could make you more of a loving person
life has so much to offer for both of us...
and so i end
its better that we're off
we can do more actually....
love is letting go and not holding back,,,,

love is what i have felt for you...

this gives me time to realize just how much i cared
and love you still so much.

intensity? asking me me? nearly princess'.....
try to measure that up...
i'll be waiting for your coming home....

home to my arms....
but that shall end up in dreams...
in dreams that only you can be mine,,,,

he was here!...RBA

but never got his picture becuz i don't have my cmera with me since i have princess and of course i know that he is bringing with him his new camera... wow!.. the one he bought time when he was at HK.. okey.. so he is missed.. sure he is.. and well applause ye all for him he is the first among the roxas besties to see my princess... see the coming pics of him and princess.. but still i ahve to wait for the time he'll download the pics of prncess and him.. cuddling princess ... of course my baby loves him .. heheheh.. ( maybe princess was thinking like. this one person i remember when nanay was so missing roxas... this person who help nanay get through those bad times... i can feel it!) cute noh?... well perhaps that's what's going on inside the head of princess.... perhaps perhaps... but to our luck... i haven't got the pics yet... the oicture that will be so envied by harold, lenjenie and perhaps juno... aw..
and so we chatted during the dinner... but never talked about deeper issues that lies under.. heheh robert knows a lot about my idiosyncrasies and crazyness... my wacky days and funny moments... those person i hate he knows too.. good thing he listens and sometimes (crossing my fingers!) let it just slip away.. especially if yer going to talk to him like sleepy time.. hehehe.. i missed them stll... my goal if not by the end of this year for sure number in my list next year is to go overnight to the palce i call... consoler!... hihihi... love it.. and luffeeet.... im pretty pretty sure my baby looks good!... robert thank you so much for the alimango!... it did great.. hahahah.. lapaka muntik na dumami... but that was worth it.. like i waited for that for almost 11 months... and then geee i ate so much... and then lapaka here.... and iim kinda squirming hmmmm a bit scratchy though.. and so iterax comes in a handay.. and i syrup of dimetapp first sinice it has antihistamine... heheh.. but iterax realy did the works... hihhi... yowzah!... i love it.. still i love alimango... lukon, shrimps, grilled oysters, grilled mudfish... and sinibawang shells... hahah.. love it.. that sweet taste of shells infused with ginger and lemon grass.. hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm.. hey harold you're missing this right?... lets go back to roxas... hihihi... see you three years from now?.... lets bury our feet in the sand of roxas and then boracay.... hehehehe.... wayfarer?... oinks!..

tuesday is the damnest day of the week for now.

4.15pm went with hubby to pick up tatay at the airport.. so long ride and yes i have princess with me... talking about family ..... hmmm surroundings as we drove past just about everything what happen during typhoon frank and how far pavia is to the city where we both live..
4.45 got tatay out of the airport and then heed straight to thier home. and thought of having dinner at al dente.. which was postponed sinice all are feeling kinda tired of the hassle for the day...and so my princess...
7.45 arrived home turned on the aircon... sat on the bed and tried to conteplate becuz before we arrived home.. we had an argument over psychology thing of the reality of men and the reality of women...
like.. men have been a hunter the reason for them to keep on playing with guns even though they are old and have family...
so women goes being kikay and etc etc etc....
i asked why is he telling me?... and he would just "just trying to tell you"
i asked what for?... " wala lang i just want to tell you!"
but along the process of our conversation those freakin' airsoft and etc etc that he has been doing that i so abhore but keep silent about it most of the time... is bangin in my head...
and i have to be the one to asnwer my question of " why are you tellin' me that?"
becuz he wants me to understand what he is doing?.. oh oh oh NO! i cannot.. becuz if im going to base it on the psysch thinig that he said and the reality of men what about those men i know who aren't like him?... what happen to his brother?... what happen to my brothers?.. its all about priority.. and so i am so silent... i don't want to talk about just anything tonight or even i tomorrow... its such a lame excuse or a reason for him to give me to uderstand him?... and in the first place i don't want to end up begging for his time.. his fuckin' time with me and princess.... shiet!... comes this sunday and he shall never hear from me. by the way princess is turning 3months old this sunday and he'll be at the fuckin' game.
and that does not ring a bell to him... fucked up?... I AM.... im not asking for anything though... i am just ranting my heart out... that sometimes i would end up so damn fucked up to think that " i was right.... "
but then what else ?...
come 8.30pm at home and i have been waiting for this dear neice of mine to finish what she is doinig.. and i was kinda freaked out ovcer her chatting her way out and i wa slike 9pm i need th computer and ther she is acting as if nothing is happening hoaring this damn computer... and so i have to unleash my wrath... so she had the night....
ga init ulo ko mo!.... [puch!

NB -

she rocks my world lately.. i sang to princess her songs... hahahah
its natasha beddingfield...

need i say more?