the letter was sent

THIS IS THE ONE I REALLY DID. GUIN PRINT KO PA... HARHARHARHAR...

01.04.2008

Papa...

There are just some things left unsaid. but i won't squeeze you out just to tell me what it is and so I can't be squeezed out too. Someone told me you cried. hope that it wasn't about the sadness that you have or what I gave or what I did.. hope that it was all about happiness and what you felt by letting the kite go... still pulling it when its losing its flight... you mean so much to me... i am proud of how you molded me (in a way you did great and made a great impact on my life.. this i cannot really articulate in front of you...), mixed emotions in some moments in my life was when i asked if are you happy... and you said you are happy...( you remember the time when all i want is of you to be happy of whatever decision i made that makes me happy? and you said i cannot push that happiness to you becuz its your feelings and you own that feelings..) and i cried so much with mixed emotions... i was much like a little girl given a doll by her father ... or a girl who got some presents from her dad comin' home... it felt like that... more than that. and the thought of, if only my father is alive ... on the second thought i have to live beyond.. let all the past be an example .... that made me strong. I'm happy the way things turned out. thank you so much for the support and for the coming support... I'm so happy having you in my life... thank you for being the father ... i thought i lost. Thank God for giving me you.

(blog12-02-2007 @ multiply)

I'm blessed . I'm 4 weeks pregnant. Lolo ka na naman. (winks!)

Love,
baby

p.s.

I have to go back into writing,much better for me.

butanding journal

what i feel ...
1. okey my tummy is like growing, and i find it a little awkward in dressing up, then jeans and shirts are oh my goooollllllssss... kinda so not into me liking... so i usually end up in my draw string pants, polo shirts(lacoste man yah!)... some blouses that i would feel comfortable with.. see HF im not yet wearing belly basics.. kay i think its way too early to wear one. heheheh maybe next week?.. and then mornign sickness here it comes... i love hubby's perfume the one he's been using since he was in highschool( he told me so) i find it so sexy to him but elk! lately i hate the smell fo it that i even puked. oh my God'... so this is the blessing of a mom that prepares her for the next season of motherhood. you got to learn the hard way of how much you have to push the thing that you love the most... ahhhh loving one's self.. hehehe so i puked and hated the smell.. see my nose is sensitive... even tot he smokers?.. oh my goweyyy... hate ko na smokers smells... heheh hay.. never ko man yah na smell sila lenj and harold being a smoker to be smelt like an ashtray... they're clean man yah and knows their limit. ( isingit ba naman..) so muna ang akun gina binatayag subong... plus and pwerte ko nga kahidlaw sa taga roxas.. huhuhu...

2. food... i eat anything and what comes to my head... but sometimes the moment the food is right their and then in front of me ... ewe! im not ven gonna taste even a bit fo it... funny ... i stop for a while drinking anmum .. why?.. you ask me why?.. the thought of it even makes me like barf... huhuhu .... so like go back to capsules to nourish my baby hans.

3. body changes and everything... these two pomegranate is heavy and it gives me back an ache ... aches everywhere... arghhh.... and then

4... i find it hard to sleep straight just sleep straight... and would love hubby to lightly slowly rub my back that puts me to sleep...

so this is the journal of me.. the butanding.. thus will be updated from time to time.. depende sa mood ko subong kay the longer i stay sa pc or laptop makes me feel dizzy.. i would prefer sleep and go bummming around.... and sleep and sleep and munch... and sleep.... butanding.

bohooooo

see im like 6 weeks preganat and hay i feel grumpy sometimes.. and i feel the tug of roxas soo much.. it gets under my nerves the knack of wanting to leave the city and be in a quiet nice serene place... but the kinda humpy travelling is not permitted by my OB ---
now the not so problem arises when i decided to go for another OBGYN.. so i went to a male OBGYN harharhar.. MALE>>> hoy! BF knew naman and the male doc is quite kidna good -- personality wise.. he is soo cowboy... but just don't know cowboy he could be ... harharhar specs of speculations ahh he is good.. especially if he is going to give me the best professional fee ever... and he did!... so let me see... if the lady OB is not avail by the time i hmmmphf! this baby then male OB is in... or vice versa... still my hans (this i call to my baby growing) for now is in the size of a seed of a jackfruit.. see.. how cutiee... hmmm and yes i have some sickness but i dare not to put that in my brain ... the most violent scream in my head is roxas. harharharhar... and so the calls of harold and some texts of lenj and the silence of robert heals.. at least it does.

and so hans is growing still my 2nd OB which is male suggest that i should go for serum test so i did.. and bear the pain of the in jection.. and also to the other test for HEPA etc etc blood typing ek ek ek basta isa lang mahambal ko masakit and tuslok sg injection and i hate it.

AND FOR NOW I HAVE TO PAUSE KAY DAW GALINGIN ULO KO.

by the way nainit guid ko kay wala na sg paulo coelho nga books avail sa NB...
and it sucks!

what becomes...

ahh at last i thought of asking me self over.. what happened to my cyber friends?.. how come my cyber friends just suddenly stopped thinking and blogging? hmmm perhaps there enemy is time.... and time alone is way too depressing to to think that we may have all the time we have but we cannot turn it back... so simply time is all we have but its not in our hands and you can't stop the time... aw! good to know that he is still inspired in what is his passion ( if it is really --- but i think he is...) doing some things that has to be done... and yet to be done.. he is thinking about it.. at last... he is not in an absorption mode... ( absorption mode i call for those keeps on studying! burning candles just too keep up with the medicine life!!) hay mare smile na jan for everyone!!! heheh are we in for late lunch on monday... or snack or just for our year ender?... hmmm drahcir how come youa re sooo freakin' busy?... and we keep on waitng for yer time ... huhuhuuh please don't make me being married as an alibi as it does not hinders to what we call relationship.... huhuhu...
but then i think you are not making it naman it just so happen that busy is stamped on the december christmas season ..... and here i am wondrin' why if you ever had enough rest ....

i think i need to see a doctor.... i envy those who keeps a cigaretter lighted... and those who can be left in the middle of the gutter to sleep due to alcohol overdose.... i envy you becuz di kayo nag iisp kung meron pa ba bukas! hahaahhha but honestly i miss cigarette smoking... hmmmmm crisp.. smooth ..... arghhhh.... poooohhhh!!!!!

what becomes of me after this night is ..... still me a lover of life... a lover of relationship . . .

pursuing my personal legend.... that until now i do not know what is it... hehehe...

love that...
.

and so my first month

okey like im so one month married.. and i still have all the bliss with my friends.. as i keep on missing them so much...
now i have a nagging cough and a sneezing here and there...
i miss them much... they get to text me from time to time but that goes to nowhere but to a more missing moments. the last time i was with them was the night of my wedding and then i never get to see them like for already a month... and i missed them so much... we had so much of a fun and a laughter... and they are gettin' busied by the holiday rush of masses and everything occasion that us filipino's wanted to grab the idea of everything Christmas celebration... like weddings, baptisms, blessings be it home or car or just about everything... early mass the aguinaldo we call it .. and then occasions being invited as speakers for some recollection or retreats and seminars for other people's well being.. spiritually and morally..
so those are just some of the things that keeps them busy.. and then comes january the beithday of robert is on the 7th so i have to check that date... that i have to celkebrate it with him... hay i miss him... and then comes february 28 for harold's and then my birthday and so on and so forth... harharhhar... they are just my mere friends whom i know i can count on whenever i fall.. and up up an away... in my beautiful balloon.... see you sometime... i love yous and i misses you so much! and so i shall leave you with a happiest and more of missing moments holiday season...

O R G I E S

yipee we are going to have this family reunion.. ONG -- harharhar... overnights.. yipeee ..
organizer me ... games.... games.... foods.... and fun fun fun and ONG-panay!!!.. harhahr ( hangpanay!) so i suggest to start the kids ... i org them to do some gift giving as part of a yearly activities.. shared by them cousins... and that would make them feel better... not just to make feel better though i think as helping is a must... so i have to give them a kick.. (not a kick literally ) so perhaps a feeding program would make them start... i dunno how am i gonna pull this offwith less time ... but if it can't be done this month...perhaps by first week of january.. this will be great for three kings...

you see children nowadays spend so much of their time in front of computers, t.v. and less the thought of giving oneself to others even just for one time. even more less time with the family and lack of emotional concern.. socially ... ... does schools still teacher values education?...

by the way you think orgies mean other things?... what a mind.... !!! i call organizations and meetings and things to do as orgies.... so there goes my dictionary

of life and relationship

this taken from one of PC's site... and have been on my multiply blog... i just want to share this to the world... this moment 2.50pm December 12, 2007 im two weeks old happily married... try listening to Everything by Micheal Buble while reading this article.... check out his site... Warrior of Light Online

Warrior of Light Online - # 161
Convention of those wounded in love
General provisions:
A – Whereas the saying “all is fair in love and war” is absolutely correct;
B – Whereas for war we have the Geneva Convention, approved on 22 August 1864, which provides for those wounded in the battle field, but until now no convention has been signed concerning those wounded in love, who are far greater in number;

It is hereby decreed that:

Article 1 – All lovers, of any sex, are alerted that love, besides being a blessing, is also something extremely dangerous, unpredictable and capable of causing serious damage. Consequently, anyone planning to love should be aware that they are exposing their body and soul to various types of wounds, and that they shall not be able to blame their partner at any moment, since the risk is the same for both.
Article 2 – Once struck by a stray arrow fired from Cupid’s bow, they should immediately ask the archer to shoot the same arrow in the opposite direction, so as not to be afflicted by the wound known as “unrequited love”. Should Cupid refuse to perform such a gesture, the Convention now being promulgated demands that the wounded partner remove the arrow from his/her heart and throw it in the garbage. In order to guarantee this, those concerned should avoid telephone calls, messages over the Internet, sending flowers that are always returned, or each and every means of seduction, since these may yield results in the short run but always end up wrong after a while. The Convention decrees that the wounded person should immediately seek the company of other people and try to control the obsessive thought: “this person is worth fighting for”.
Article 3 – If the wound is caused by third parties, in other words if the loved one has become interested in someone not in the script previously drafted, vengeance is expressly forbidden. In this case, it is allowed to use tears until the eyes dry up, to punch walls or pillows, to insult the ex-partner in conversations with friends, to allege his/her complete lack of taste, but without offending their honor. The Convention determines that the rule contained in Article 2 be applied: seek the company of other persons, preferably in places different from those frequented by the other party.
Article 4 – In the case of light wounds, herein classified as small treacheries, fulminating passions that are short-lived, passing sexual disinterest, the medicine called Pardon should be applied generously and quickly. Once this medicine has been applied, one should never reconsider one's decision, not even once, and the theme must be completely forgotten and never used as an argument in a fight or in a moment of hatred.
Article 5 – In all definitive wounds, also known as “breaking up”, the only medicine capable of having an effect is called Time. It is no use seeking consolation from fortune-tellers (who always say that the lost lover will return), romantic books (which always have a happy ending), soap-operas on the television or other such things. One should suffer intensely, completely avoiding drugs, tranquilizers and praying to saints. Alcohol is only tolerated if kept to a maximum of two glasses of wine a day.

Final determination: Those wounded in love, unlike those wounded in armed conflict, are neither victims nor torturers. They chose something that is part of life, and so they have to accept both the agony and the ecstasy of their choice.
And those who have never been wounded in love will never be able to say: “I have lived”. Because they haven’t.

hope harold is reading this one.... also lenj.... and the rest of the world...

thoughts on being married

and so i got married.. harharhar.... im still in bliss... and adjusting... to just about anything and everything... hmm m
funny thoughts whilst riding with hubby he told me just out of the blue like a baby boy blue who mumbles..." i feel that we are still like bf and gf!" and is aid yeah i think so we are still .... harharhar... isin't that cute.... hmm we'll see after a year.. hahah...im not expecting any intruders or whatever but i want to know .. so im expecting it.
expecting - - hmmm i would love to have a baby soon but still i don't want to put pressure on that... ( you think i am?) harharhar... it would be such a great blessing if i could be having one.. hhehe.... please help me pray that i am gonna be a good mommy.... and a good wife.. harharhar...

hmmm

just got married. ipee... hmmm im still not in the mood of talking aut it as yes.. im savorng the feeling.. every bit of it.. you see im keen on such.. matters of the heart... the thing that is being felt.. for now i enjoy the idea of doing something out of my pics.. how i picture out what i feel....
i stil love astro.. harharhar...i miss harold, yes so much.. and also lenj and bert.. .. never in a day that i never had thought of you guys... i always do... even when as holding the flutterbyes.. ahh flutterbyes i cal these buterflies.. as there is no point in caling them as butterflies.. they don't produce butter anyway... i dunno why they are being called by that. but then... they are cute.. and makes me feel clam and serene.... ha... i miss TPL roxas.. see you around...

20th.....

okey its the 20th day of november today and im like 8 days to go from my day....
what am i thinkng?......

i feel kinda fat. that is a big problem ..... since everyone knew that im big. so how could i say that im fat?... eng! im big fat!

i feel like a bunny rabbit in alice in wonderland so many things to do such little time have... still i beleive in the what we call grace... whooooo.... so i am holding on to that. but i don't have grace i only have renz and marie... so grateful for them both...

though sometimes renz makes me feel a bit meeting of my eyebrows and do raises my other brows.. still she is cute.. she is so renz. that makes her the renz i know like ten years ago?... aw noh.... eleven years ago....

she's been there for me eversince then.. ahhh she is soo renz... puts on spices on my days and even sometimes she makes it to the point of being cute. heheheh loveit!

marie... the ever brainy one... the cold stirrer i have during the time of being in heat... that would make me feel calm and cold. like her mom my other mommy... (winnks!) she knows how to put on the table cloth and there.... sob! and realize whatever there is to be...

goes one with my TPL friends... have done some blogs for them already so no need to stack it here again... they know they are someone special to me.. and always there to remind me and there to be my hand to hold on to and a shirt where i can sneeze my bugger! ... heeh joke! but sure they have been always an open arms .... also mommies.. and daddies i have... eventhough i had some funny and failed relationships... ahhh they have been like.. " segi alng whats best is yet to come or if its for you then it is for you... if not then act as if nothing happend.

hay.... 8 more days and i can still feel the two minds of what will happen to these?...
my friends.... my extended family..... heheeh... and then i have come to the conclusion of
they are still my friends ... i will always be the same... though there will come some changes but i know its for like another chapter of life i am trudging... trailing.... trekking... flying.... sailing on.... they will always be part of me... they are one of the important persons God has included in my beautiful love story... called LIFE....

daw mahibi ako... five years ago.. i have this dellima of wanting much of a baby... my own baby... bore by me... and now mixed... i dunno how am i gonna react... how am i gonna carry the baby in my womb... or what what what.... i know i have the ability to take care and be a great mom if not to be great at least i have to stand better on that coming another chapter of my life.... what if i cannot have a baby?... these some sorts of questions cyclones my head... still i pause and pray and ask for God's greatest grace and blessings, and for my tatay to guide me thru... i know that he has been a wonderful father to me... the reason why i was never afraid to face the realities and chalenges of life...

.... 8 days to go......