let me think... some thoughts.. random thoughts,

For everything there is a season,

And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace(Ecclesiastes 3:1-8)

human as i am i know i have some inadequacies, and i know too how i strive to make up for those. i too feel pain, i tool feel the need of my self, i too loose my self and i need to find my self.

i have and i can offer much and now im asking please let me be for a while.

if not for me please be it for my daughter and son...

oftentimes i drown myself to an insecurity no one dared ask me how i have gotten there,

but here i tell you how.

because you never know,

you never even gave me the second thought,

you never gave me a chance.

you've been unfair.

you never been fair to us.

but its okey i have to live with that and ponder that i may never ... i shall never do that.

ahh such is life for me perhaps.

but i never raised my hand just to surrender the flag mainly because i belong to the bottom pit.

even the ants has something to say, its just that they are never heard.

even the fly has something to say its just that no one understand

and i even has something to say its just no one want to hear, because im at the bottm pit.

the heart has its reason which reason knows nothing of.

i know nothing..... that makes sense.

i wish i never knew.

and for everything there is a season.

let me cry for that. let me grasp the pure essence of what really lies behind.

let me be let me be let me be.

wrapping up the week as early this afternoon

4.43pm, was thinking of making a blog to commemorate a friend who died 12-08-2009 @ 8.27am, while playing cafe' world... he leveled up.. he was a good person, one who just want to do good in whatever in life.... MVG rest in peace, you are now in the hands of our dear Lord, ...
here we go! again i have to go back to other sites i have visited before, why?.. becuz im expecting a boy is that a question that needs to be answered?.. oh well yeah... oh well it snot actually have to but hey my being mother asks me to do so. and so i browsed.... to be honest i have been browsing since like two days already, last sunday i was checking the price of the playtex drop-in liners becuz i purchased this playtext drop ins and it comes only like 5 liners for each size (4oz & 8oz) why liners?.. hello you know i have a forecast of midyear next year im going to be like this travelling mom or was planning of yeah months old Duke and 2 year old Princess will be out of towners every now and then, OMG yeah... and that is a very good motivation perhaps for a very squirmy mommy like me ( im no worm mother ati! its just that i want to get my ass moving!) heheheh, so those drop in liners i thought are a very good one to have, and i think its costs cheap, and have discussed it already with hubby and yeah he said it is much better than bringing all the bottles and cleaning them every now and then and sterilizing them, ha!.. now i feel like a celebrity with those handy drop ins... both Duke and Princess will be happy with this.. Princess already made a mess out of that box, when i was inspecting it and kinda like the tits. ahahah... and so the amazon dot com is well browsed by me, the playtex site also, and then the babies r us site, since im looking for a nice onesies for the baby boy, though princess onesies are kinda in good condition, but ain't Baby Duke gets to have good ones too right?... Princess had some good ones too even though Carlo gave away his newborn shirts and sock and caps and mittens... each one deserves something special too... and so that justifies my browsing and my beg-time to hubby, ahihihi, hmmm my hunny bunny sister, its all up to her, she knows whats best usually even though i don't ask, she spoils me much. yeah. (its not that im thinking she is going to spoil me again but hey! im just being honest that she does!) if i demand she says outright if its not good or what... she is practically a magical one!... - this note aint to fatten up your ears hunny bunny but its just the truth... you've been a very dotting aunt to Princess and you spoiled her too much .. see we still have some stuffs until we reach our terrible two's... you spoil me too... hihihi, and then toinkS!.... i miss you. on the other hand, its not just Princess she spoils i think all of the kids... she loves kids im sure... she just don't like the idea of baby alive!.. hahahh ...
and then have noticed that baby boys' apparels are somewhat no not boring but yeah boring!. haahahah.... pants, shirts, polo, shorts, green blue, brown, white, red.. long sleeves... but im pretty sure Duke will still look uber cute in whatever, she kicks so well inside and tumbles .. its like im going to have another UFC player coming and a muay thai player... so Tito Yayo, you better practice well there in UK so that you'll be playing in the fields when you get here...
and so i have to continue browsing....

barbie's cradle - playing in my iPod....
5.08pm ------

Hello everybody..... and so she waves her hand... those are funky colored squares that changes its color... yah, i think harold has one cutie one with clock on... i remember... we're just making and feeling crazy @ MOP...

beach

just trying to have fun at the beach when she noticed that its sand... and it might have felt a abit strange to her, hahah she squirmed!...
this is a 20pesos beach....

those days...

the sound of silence ... miss that...
night times at spx.
whirling staircase.
feeling the calm breeze of air.
fourth floor.
first door.
groogy..
not yet sleepy,
feeling the hmmmm relaxed!

morning wake ups are great!
i see children dressed in whites.
rushing ... chatting and yeah.. crazy!
breakfast are great!
prepared by HF or manang..
ahhh!...
missed that.
not too long
soon HF you'll be dishing out some for my kids too...
contact RA... lunch at????
movie marathons
chismiss to the max
gaisano coffee meet ups...
killing time at ninos.
TODA commuters
trikers are not allowed. they are just for easy travelling around the area.
night swimming... night life....
jammin' music never falters
cookin' dining drinkin'
sobers... smokin'
simple life... with simple friends
makes life more meaningful.
love.... life... ordinary but yes super extra ordinary!
ohhhhh the cathedral!!!!.....
night trips to rxs then was exciting
cathedral meet ups!
midtowners!
cafe central nook!
eerie hotel they have!
the best pa rin spx sa fourth floor!
.....

magic jack cracks

i have been trying magic jack to run in windows 7 OS, and for like two days ina row, it still won't work. and its getting on my nerves that they all make me do the same thing
f)(&*(* all over and over again..... it gets on my nerves. i should have not asked
my brother to activate it. it give me a lifetime of savings but it gives me a damn
f)(*)(&*'n headache!!!

here are the chat session i have with their live agent:

Please wait for a site operator to respond.

You are now chatting with 'Nadia'

Your Issue ID for this chat is LTK419085123386X

Nadia: Hello, how may I help you?

theresa: hi there nadia

Nadia: Hi Theresa.

theresa: do you think i can reconnect with benjamin again?

theresa: our session expired a while ago

theresa: here is our conversation

theresa: ease wait for a site operator to respond. Chat InformationYou are now chatting with 'Mona' Chat InformationYour Issue ID for this chat is LTK419085109682X Mona: Hello, how may I help you? theresa: hello mona, theresa: i have problem with my MJ Mona: May I know the exact nature of your problem with full details please? theresa: im using windows7, and have clicked the update for win7, and its still ain't workin' theresa: everytime i plugged it in, it says download in progress and after that download, i can't seem to find the dial pad Mona: Apply this steps on your computer theresa: ok Mona: Click on the Windows Logo (start button) click search then type appdata click Ok theresa: done theresa: no item match my search Mona: Please click the link to download and run the magicJack upgrade (applicable for both XP & Vista): Mona: http://upgrades.magicjack.com/upgrade/upgrade.exe Mona: Run the upgrade after download theresa: do i need to unplug my MJ? Mona: No theresa: okey it says i have to wait 3minutes for the download Mona: You should plug in the MJ Mona: Ok Mona: After download run the upgrade theresa: ok theresa: mona theresa: finished downloading the upgrade theresa: and have run it already theresa: and its done.. whats next? Mona: Did the magicjack dial pad pop up? theresa: nope. Mona: Click on the Windows Logo (start button) click search then type devmgmt.msc click Ok theresa: okey im in the device manager now Mona: On Device Manager window, please click on the "+" sign beside Universal Serial Bus Controllers. theresa: ok Mona: How many entries are there under "Universal Serial Bus Controllers? theresa: 18? theresa: yes 18 Mona: Please right-click on the first entry then click "Update Driver Software". Mona: On Update Driver software window, please clcik on "Browse My Computer For Driver Software". Mona: Please click on "Let Me Pick From A list Of Device Drivers On My Computer". Mona: Please click "Next" button. theresa: ok Mona: When you see "Windows Has Successfully Updated Your Driver Software", please click on "Close" button. Mona: Please do this to all entries under "Universal Serial Bus Controllers". theresa: windows has determined the driver software for your device is ip to date theresa: ok theresa: done Mona: Inform me when done update all drivers theresa: all are updated Mona: Ok Mona: Close that page now Mona: Then unplug your magicJack and after 15 seconds try plugging into a different USB port. theresa: ok Mona: Is it loading now? theresa: it says one minute of patience... tc etc etc Mona: Ok theresa: im still waiting for the dial pad Mona: Ok Mona: One moment please... theresa: ok Mona: Thank you for your patience. I will transfer you to a higher level of support. Please hold while I transfer you. Chat InformationPlease wait while I transfer the chat to the best suited site operator. Chat InformationYou are now chatting with 'Benjamin' Chat InformationYour Issue ID for this chat is LTK419085109682X theresa: ok Benjamin: Hello Theresa. Benjamin: How are you? Benjamin: My name is Benjamin. To better assist you, let me put you on hold while I read your previous chat. Thank you. theresa: ok Benjamin: Is the magicjack plug in now? theresa: yup Benjamin: Is the blue light ON? theresa: yup Benjamin: Okay. theresa: the mj icon is on my screen and it says one minute of patience etc etc etc Benjamin: Please go to Computer and check if you see the 2 magicjack drives in there? Benjamin: You mean that it is loading now? theresa: yup nad it slike more than three minutes already theresa: yup two mj drives are in Benjamin: I see, lets wait for a couple of minutes more. theresa: ok Benjamin: Do you see the magicJack drives in there? theresa: yes Benjamin: May I know on what drives are those? theresa: drive f and drive g Benjamin: Now please click on F and see if it has a format option. theresa: nope it doesn't theresa: only the g theresa: have formatted it already before chatting with mona a while ago and she todl me to do those things... Benjamin: Okay. Benjamin: Please click the link to download and run the magicJack upgrade (applicable for both XP & Vista): Benjamin: http://upgrades.magicjack.com/upgrade/upgrade.exe Benjamin: Will you please run the upgrade again this time. Benjamin: Le me know when it is completely done. theresa: have dowloanding this already theresa: downloaded Benjamin: Okay. Benjamin: Please run it again this time. theresa: done. run and the mj icon is out Benjamin: Okay. theresa: unplugged and plugged it in after 15sec. already plugged. theresa: and it gives me again the one minute of patience Benjamin: Okay. Benjamin: Le me know when your dial pad is up. theresa: when would that be ??? theresa: i ahve been waiting for the dial up since last night Benjamin: Oh, I see. theresa: yeah. and i wonder what is the equivalent of one minute to MJ??? haiz...... one minute here take too loooooonngggg.. its like 30minutes Benjamin: Are you referring on making a using your magicJack? theresa: no.. the waiting ... theresa: its says one minute of patience Benjamin: Okay. theresa: okey benjamin, its still not done theresa: i have to go. theresa: mj is not still workin' theresa: no dial up Benjamin: Can you hold on for a minute please. theresa: and im not sure if this will work in my laptop that runs with xp os theresa: ok Benjamin: Yes it will work, Theresa. Benjamin: Please give me time to resolve it. theresa: ok Benjamin: Thank you. Benjamin: Are you using the USB extension cord? theresa: yup theresa: because its hard for a pregnant woman to crouch under the pc table theresa: extension cord comes a handy Benjamin: Please unplug your magicjack and plug it at the back port of your tower without the cord. theresa: okey. so will wait again for another one minute? theresa: have to go, its almost lunchtime and im pretty hungry waiting for the f)(* one minute of mj's status Benjamin: Okay, lets wait for it to load up. theresa: ten years. Benjamin: Any progress theresa: nope. Benjamin: Okay, lets wait for a couple of minutes more. Benjamin: By the way, may I know what type of internet connection are you using theresa: its broadband Benjamin: Okay, please visit www.speedtest.net and click on the yellow star or pyramid in there. Benjamin: Then inform me for your upload and download speed result. theresa: download speed for mp3 - 2min ; video clip 13min; movie 290min Benjamin: Did you visit www.speedtest.net ? theresa: upload speed : email 54 sec; phot 7min; video clip 31min theresa: yes theresa: that is speedtest.net theresa: download .37mb/s uplaod .15mb/s Benjamin: I need the mbps result for upload and download speed. theresa: ping at 45min Benjamin: Did you click on the yellow pyramid or star in there? theresa: yes Benjamin: So, download .37mb/s upload .15mb/s theresa: yup Benjamin: Okay. Benjamin: Are you using windows 7? theresa: YES Benjamin: Update for magicJack users wth Windows 7 WARNING: YOUR MAGICJACK MUST REMAIN PLUGGED IN DURING THIS UPDATE. If you remove your magicJack during the update you may not be able to make or receive calls. Plug your magicJack in and wait for 60 seconds. To update your magicJack, please CLICK HERE and download this program to your desktop. Once the program has been downloaded, double click magicJackUpdate.exe and follow the prompts. After completing the update, unplug your magicJack, wait 15 seconds, and plug it back in. theresa: have downloaded it already will run if its okey? theresa: or i have to downloadit again? Benjamin: Please download it again just to make sure that you have the right upgrade. theresa: ok theresa: still the icon one minute is on my screen theresa: finished the update Benjamin: Okay, lets wait for about 5 minutes to load up. theresa: will elave the pc on, have to go now. theresa: leave Benjamin: Okay. Benjamin: Any progress? Benjamin: I have not heard from you in a while. Do you wish to continue this chat session? Benjamin: Since I have not heard from you for some time, I am going to close this chat. If you need any help in the future, please do not hesitate to chat with us again. Good bye

Nadia: Unfortunately Benjamin is not yet available as of the moment, please allow me to assist you this time and read your previous chat with Benjamin to continue it.

theresa: ok

Nadia: Okay, thank you.

Nadia: Please give me a second to read your previous chats for me to be able to assist you with my best, your patience is highly appreciated. Thank you.

Nadia: Thank you for patiently waiting.

Nadia: As I have read your previous chat you cannot start your magicJack to work.

theresa: yes, and the last time i left my pc on and the mj plugged

theresa: which tells me a minute of patience... etc etcetc

theresa: and until now its still giving me the same message

Nadia: Okay, you have done the registration process of your magicJack and the update for Windows 7, right?

theresa: yes

Nadia: Okay.

Nadia: Please disable your firewall and anti-virus as of the moment.

theresa: i dunno how to do that, and my husbnad is not home yet and i don't think i can disable the anti virus.

theresa: :(

Nadia: May I know if your magicJack device is plugged in right now?

theresa: yes it is

Nadia: Please unplug magicJack and plug back in to another USB port.

theresa: i have been transferring the port ever since i have start chatting with you guys

theresa: and please tell me what else i can do

theresa: is mj gonna work with win7 ?

Nadia: Yes, the magicJack works with Windows 7.

Nadia: Please perform the step I'm giving you.

theresa: i have been using this mj with my xp os unit

theresa: and i wanted to use this mj in my win7 os unit here at home

Nadia: I see.

Nadia: Okay, you can do that.

theresa: i have done all the things necessary and still it won'r give me the dial pad here in the win7

theresa: it all gives me this one minute of patience for a lfietime of savaing etc etc etc

Nadia: Please click the link to download and run the magicJack upgrade (applicable for both XP & Vista):

Nadia: http://upgrades.magicjack.com/upgrade/upgrade.exe

theresa: and its like hours already the minutes that it tells me

Nadia: Please Run the upgrade and tell me if it is done.

theresa: mona gave me that too and also bejamin

theresa: im going to like download it all over again, for the fourth time

Nadia: Please Run it now this time with me and tell me what you will see after.

theresa: it will gaian give me the lucky you upgrading and then the mj icon in front of me will be out

Nadia: May I know if there's an Error message there appear in the screen now?

theresa: no error message

Nadia: Please go to “My Computer”. From the menu bar go to “Tools” and select “Folder Options”. In there click on the “View” tab and make sure the option “Show hidden files and folders” is checked then click “OK”.

theresa: i using win7 here and im kinda lost

theresa: clicked on computer and i can't seem to find tools

Nadia: Okay, may I know what are the bars that you see in the upper part?

theresa: organize, system prop, uninstall or change prog, map network drive

Nadia: May I know if you see File, Edit, Favorites, Tools and Help above when you enter "Computer"?

theresa: nope

Nadia: Thank you for your patience. I will transfer you to a higher level of support. Please hold while I transfer you.

Please wait while I transfer the chat to the best suited site operator.

You are now chatting with 'Junrex'

Your Issue ID for this chat is LTK419085123386X

Junrex: Hello Theresa. My name is Junrex. To better assist you, let me put you on hold while I read your previous chat. Thank you.

theresa: ok

Junrex: Open " Computer " and tell me the two drive letters for magicJack listed on that window.

theresa: DRIVE F AND G

Junrex: Right click drive F and click format ( set File System to FAT and Volume Label as PHONE and Allocation unit size Default ) then click start.

Junrex: NOTE: All phone numbers saved on the contact list will be deleted.

theresa: don't tell me you're going to ask me to reformat the mj again

Junrex: Try again.

theresa: come on. i've been doing that since yesterday

theresa: reformat,unplug, upgrade, unpluged...

Junrex: Right click drive F and click format ( set File System to FAT and Volume Label as PHONE and Allocation unit size Default ) then click start.

theresa: and then plug it again?

theresa: AND THEN PLUG IT AGAIN

theresa: AFTER I REFORMAT IT

theresa: hey junrex

---LIVE AGENTS doesn't work..... still was not satisfied.

I WANT TO GO HOME.

Yes i want to go home.
don't want princess to grow up in a very chaotic world.
i don't want her to grow up in the house of
no money no happiness,
when there's no money everything shoots up and gets cranky
where there will be no comparing as to what you are or what you have become
little bumkins can be at peace
all i want for now is all for my kids to grow up in a world
of security full of love and purely happiness that cannot be bought or be played
that happiness cannot be bought.
i would be hypocrite to say that i don't need money, yes of course i need money we need money
but not for my happiness.
if i die happy because i have spent so much on useless things and doings, question is- can that be a credit to my place in heaven?... will my soul be happy?
i am happy because i know i have friends who cares for me so much ...
who knows the reality of me deeply.
where i can cry the whole night and still can tell me that its okey and that is nice
where before they have to say goodbye they can hug and tell me i'll be fine.
where i have a very very uber nice sister who is more like a better half of me.. ha.ha.ha.
where i have a beautiful daughter christer who knows how she made my life more meaningful and soon, she'll share that "making life more meaningful" with bumkins...
after all i live for them both. i will live for them both. only for them.
as my late father told me, my children are my treasure, i have to keep them all beside me,
i will never trade them for anything.
they are my life. they are my all. second to the Giver of our life...
and i thank Him for them.
i was thinking and asking myself....
was there a mistake? well i have learned, but too late to re-do.
its okey i'll be fine. life is learning and if that can't be undone,
impart them to those who are about to take the risk!
life is hard. unfair. but such is life.
God knows ....

I surrender.

well these past days i have been not feeling quite very very well, until the time i talked to my dear sister.
the feeling of so super down, their are few moments in my life that i felt this way so effin low. first is when my dear father died, second is when yeah i have to admit when my sister left me.. and now this what i call pregnancy blues, i was still sane to keep track of it and realized that im nearing depression only to realize i am in it. cried for effin days, so many things cramped up inside my head, and the least i could do is text my papa, and my dear friends for guidance some spiritual guidance as i have notice that i cannot do it all in my own... my powers are not sufficient for such kind of situation especially it comes from me.. the problem is me, i have to re think an dre evaluate and still i get nothin', yeah my sister told me i got no one, the world did not stop and i was expecting so much from it so much from person of which i knew back then that i have got nothing to expect from. end up holding my princess christer tight and told her everything will be alright im just being emotional and expecting so much of what is not supposed to be or maybe i want somethings to change but it never did. so many issues that i just want to do away or just wanting them to get lost, at the end where i pity myself. that when i realized that i am now singing the SANDRA song by mr. manilow.... and its not effin funny.
just before i close my eyes i admit i told myself this is the last night im gonna cry.... but noh... woke up only to find out i got a message and it says "nice".... oh my... pregnancy blues aren't nice at all.... so again i go back to sleep and was consoled with the song that hummed in my heart, princess christer woke up and touch my face, and i get to let her go back to sleep and hummed the song to her ..... thank you Lord for the trials.... after i replied to the message... and again i woke up i cried. yeah that did not work. princess christer slept, and im so tired my eyes are puffed i look damn silly, and still feeling the depression goes up and down.... i want to barf it out... but noh i have to deal with it, i have to do this on my own no one can...
still singing thank you Lord, assuring myself of His endless caring and love for me and my love ones.
you see, i thought its only in the movies where:
a mother, well a pregnant mother who cries in the shower, stays there for long only to comfort her own self, when she feels that no one cares..... where a pregnant mother cries alone in the night for no reason at all. a pregnant mother keeps on missing people, that only pregnant mother feels the depression .... fearing the unknown ....
normal as they may say, but not to me.
still holding on to my faith. to quote r. daulo... "it is in pain that i feel more connected and united with Him, His very life shared is deeper love than just providing our needs. Teaching us to love as he loved is deeper love than sparing us from hurts... " yeah he is crying with me. thank you r. daulo.
and so continue to sing thank you for the trial Lord....
by the way im still missing my sister!
to my bumkins, keep cool nanay is just being funny!
manang christer, thank you for making nanay feel special with all your smooches and hugs, segi na tagay na sg vitamins...

He is all...

well so far so good
behind all those echus eclavush murateng bokboken i am well taken cared of by my mighty Lord... miss my papa mons very much.
and the sanity begins.
harhar...
sensing that only in my insanity i can be too sane...
i can see clearly now.
life has fuckin' changed....
and there is more to come...
haircut????
chubby color sticks...
oh well had all the fun and slip of money becuz i splurge on christer's play area
mattings, chubby sticks, wall papers -- wrapper rather.. hahahah
ohhh manang sophie's barbie's are good nahhah
i want her to have that cubby holes
sister love you
whenever i lie down on my bakc and my feet are on the wall
i thought of you... and i miss you much
Jesus its christmas once again.....
daw ga lingin ulo ko haw......
segi i miss my sister.....

open letter to renz.

dear renz, madugay ko na bala gina think ang imo nga status in life right after your day, where you said "kung gaan ka guid man tani now na!".... baw sa akun nga matag adlaw nga bakho i tell you kung indi man lang worth indi na lng pag pilita pangamoyo kay mabudlay man, especially nga madamo as in super madamu ang adjustment. abi ko una have to adjust with in-laws since i know status will be like living-in with them, kay te given na ang bata la pa nalutas sa iya iloy, but then three days in a row i have realized its not the in-laws i have to deal with, to the point nga daw malagyo ko. and then damu pa guid. nga kun ang alpot mag busong sa taga gab-i nya nga obra, muna kadamu ang adjustment. blame it to hormonal ups and downs, plus dealing with the little girl's yaya, or basi i am being too masculino lang in dealing with cleanliness and tidiness of just about everything, kag gasakit ang ulo ko ka think, kadamo lang, yes of course indi ko madula sa paminsarun ko ang super irritating sometimes the people nga daw la lang ya paki-alam eh, things are unfair, but i have to live with that, te start na sg sinuplada galore. start na ang mantra nga "WALA AKO PAKI-ALAM SA IBAN ANG BATA KO LANG AKUN ATUPAGUN! if others are not fine with that... the hell with you!... im counting..... 1234567..... ara man ang time nga daw lilinti-an na guid ang idea nga moving out (well im thinking about it... have to make moolah for that dream thing!) right after baby manghud is out... God help me... thank you.