i won't hold you back...

see those words.. that song title, that song,,, its lyrics plus the artist... toto..(toto fondly being called by ne' harlene)

told him how i miss him so much
so much to say but i uttered the right word
told him i love you
but he refused to

dunno the reason why
all i know is that
when im with him my world stops
enough with the cry

you can't be mine
that's all i know
we both do know
we both can't have each other

restless and sleepless nights
i wanted to hold you tight
had the chance but never took it
all i know it could break our hearts

little by little we learn that things can be possible
though impossible..
we never even bother to take that chance
we never had the time to think it over

each passing days and nights..
our love has grown
shifted its sail from so much love
to purest friendship you gave
then i knew i was the only one
madly and so addicted to your love

you gave me the chance of knowing
the possibility of loving endlessly
without robbing you off of your integrity
loving so much without losing one self
loving one so much with peace of mind and selflessness

thus i knew how much i have loved you
but i won't hold you back...
if i ever i could have that one moment of
holding you back,,,, it would be so immature to think
of just my satisfaction...
of which i dunno if it could make you happy
if it could make you more of a loving person
life has so much to offer for both of us...
and so i end
its better that we're off
we can do more actually....
love is letting go and not holding back,,,,

love is what i have felt for you...

this gives me time to realize just how much i cared
and love you still so much.

intensity? asking me me? nearly princess'.....
try to measure that up...
i'll be waiting for your coming home....

home to my arms....
but that shall end up in dreams...
in dreams that only you can be mine,,,,

he was here!...RBA

but never got his picture becuz i don't have my cmera with me since i have princess and of course i know that he is bringing with him his new camera... wow!.. the one he bought time when he was at HK.. okey.. so he is missed.. sure he is.. and well applause ye all for him he is the first among the roxas besties to see my princess... see the coming pics of him and princess.. but still i ahve to wait for the time he'll download the pics of prncess and him.. cuddling princess ... of course my baby loves him .. heheheh.. ( maybe princess was thinking like. this one person i remember when nanay was so missing roxas... this person who help nanay get through those bad times... i can feel it!) cute noh?... well perhaps that's what's going on inside the head of princess.... perhaps perhaps... but to our luck... i haven't got the pics yet... the oicture that will be so envied by harold, lenjenie and perhaps juno... aw..
and so we chatted during the dinner... but never talked about deeper issues that lies under.. heheh robert knows a lot about my idiosyncrasies and crazyness... my wacky days and funny moments... those person i hate he knows too.. good thing he listens and sometimes (crossing my fingers!) let it just slip away.. especially if yer going to talk to him like sleepy time.. hehehe.. i missed them stll... my goal if not by the end of this year for sure number in my list next year is to go overnight to the palce i call... consoler!... hihihi... love it.. and luffeeet.... im pretty pretty sure my baby looks good!... robert thank you so much for the alimango!... it did great.. hahahah.. lapaka muntik na dumami... but that was worth it.. like i waited for that for almost 11 months... and then geee i ate so much... and then lapaka here.... and iim kinda squirming hmmmm a bit scratchy though.. and so iterax comes in a handay.. and i syrup of dimetapp first sinice it has antihistamine... heheh.. but iterax realy did the works... hihhi... yowzah!... i love it.. still i love alimango... lukon, shrimps, grilled oysters, grilled mudfish... and sinibawang shells... hahah.. love it.. that sweet taste of shells infused with ginger and lemon grass.. hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm.. hey harold you're missing this right?... lets go back to roxas... hihihi... see you three years from now?.... lets bury our feet in the sand of roxas and then boracay.... hehehehe.... wayfarer?... oinks!..

tuesday is the damnest day of the week for now.

4.15pm went with hubby to pick up tatay at the airport.. so long ride and yes i have princess with me... talking about family ..... hmmm surroundings as we drove past just about everything what happen during typhoon frank and how far pavia is to the city where we both live..
4.45 got tatay out of the airport and then heed straight to thier home. and thought of having dinner at al dente.. which was postponed sinice all are feeling kinda tired of the hassle for the day...and so my princess...
7.45 arrived home turned on the aircon... sat on the bed and tried to conteplate becuz before we arrived home.. we had an argument over psychology thing of the reality of men and the reality of women...
like.. men have been a hunter the reason for them to keep on playing with guns even though they are old and have family...
so women goes being kikay and etc etc etc....
i asked why is he telling me?... and he would just "just trying to tell you"
i asked what for?... " wala lang i just want to tell you!"
but along the process of our conversation those freakin' airsoft and etc etc that he has been doing that i so abhore but keep silent about it most of the time... is bangin in my head...
and i have to be the one to asnwer my question of " why are you tellin' me that?"
becuz he wants me to understand what he is doing?.. oh oh oh NO! i cannot.. becuz if im going to base it on the psysch thinig that he said and the reality of men what about those men i know who aren't like him?... what happen to his brother?... what happen to my brothers?.. its all about priority.. and so i am so silent... i don't want to talk about just anything tonight or even i tomorrow... its such a lame excuse or a reason for him to give me to uderstand him?... and in the first place i don't want to end up begging for his time.. his fuckin' time with me and princess.... shiet!... comes this sunday and he shall never hear from me. by the way princess is turning 3months old this sunday and he'll be at the fuckin' game.
and that does not ring a bell to him... fucked up?... I AM.... im not asking for anything though... i am just ranting my heart out... that sometimes i would end up so damn fucked up to think that " i was right.... "
but then what else ?...
come 8.30pm at home and i have been waiting for this dear neice of mine to finish what she is doinig.. and i was kinda freaked out ovcer her chatting her way out and i wa slike 9pm i need th computer and ther she is acting as if nothing is happening hoaring this damn computer... and so i have to unleash my wrath... so she had the night....
ga init ulo ko mo!.... [puch!

NB -

she rocks my world lately.. i sang to princess her songs... hahahah
its natasha beddingfield...

need i say more?

ang ginabaisan....

look at the back pic .. sa door... what do you think is it????

her eyes

eepsss.. no comment!

ang sabaw namin promise!

my adorable baby
princess Christiane Therese

and this is the adorable
bunso of Dulia and Manuel,
the youngest sibling of
Jomari, Peter, Bibong, Martin, Rajan & Uelia...
and well... the best sister of uelia. (yikes!)
harharhar.. left in the sands of villa..
imagine leave me there lying on that yow! ang saya patadyong ni lola..
question is... magkamukha ba kami?
yan ang poll question...
hurry up and get a chance to win
a
very bright smile from me and princess!


MAGKAMUKHA BA KAMI????

2.29am

princess' slurping up her milk... and i slept so early with her like 8pm, i dunno i just feel like so wanting to sleep, maybe becuz of the weather... first its so hot hot hot and then comes the heavy pouring of the rain... and i just need that light travel to the city streets for those errands.. and then thinking of those freakin' bills that freaks me out ... and here comes the currency ups and downs.. hubby just got to be infront of this PC for updates and gets to give me that look in his face of "by, nagsaka naman dollar ay... ang memory nag nubo and etc etc..." and i was like "ahhhh...." and just got to talk to my baby lookin' at me... inorder to finish the long been pending book that i was reading "brida" of paolo coelho -  i just have to read it so softly in tone aloud to princess.. ahhh she likes it... i think so.. she coos and gives a smile and oohs and chuckles,

she's not the type of like a mover... hmmm like me i get to love the idea of just sitting in a coffee shop with my churvas ( shiet i miss you so guys so much!) now that im kinda frustrated with my breastmilk ... i think i need coffee shops more often with princess ha?... eweness.. after office or just to passs the gassy time .. aw! aw! aw!... that missing moments hurts... 

all the okrays and tarayan and the gigles that we all shared.. shiet.. memories... lights the corner of my mind, and then i just got to love Enrique Iglesias.. like i have been listening to my iPod shufle while doing the power crunch.. light power crunch and light cardio (just to get that boost!) i get to sing my heart out inside the car while driving ... do you .. do you remember me.. like i remember you..... somebody wants you, somebody needs you, somebody dreams about every single night, somebody can't breathe, without you its lonely, somebody hopes that someday you will see.. that somebody's me... " shiet lyrics... hoopa!.. wonka!.. and then.. that ping pong song.. aw!.. so sexy baby!... so i get a hang over josh groban again... and thenn go back to il divo... and then harold's originals... carrie underwood's ..jump into david cook's musical rendition.. and the best while on the road to ledesco home.. andrew lloyd webber's magical music that give's my heart a rush!... 2.59... need to go back to sleepy time... goodnight my lovers!

just that

me with Papa Mons
......................................................................

missing moments

i miss you sister... puli ka di liwat and will have this new pic will add princess in the picture...
background lng kanday tippie and the gangsters...
and then sister will do the bike ride in my dreams for now... (effin!) .... i miss you...

te si brother martin and the gangsters na lang anay?...

will do beach bumming with princess and of course granny duls around to re-relax!... hahah...

i miss you all ... period!