committed - -- - in her shoes

i am just a plain lass. i work during the day to get me self an education that i do during night time, it all started in a text messages, i never saw you, i knew you but we never met. i never thought one could do that for me, your death trembled me not becuz i regret the idea of not choosing you to be my partner and not saying yes to your request of "lets get married" -- as my simple answer to that question is just a mere "no" -- and the reason is that i still have dreams of finishing school for my future.. never have thought of you will commit one that i dread the most, i hated you for doing such, and then i pity you for not knowing what really love is in the process, and then i realized that for you love is selfish. and now i am anxious with the thought of why me?... why in the hell this happen to me. i cannot fathom why in the hell you did such with no second thought or such, as you are a person with a brilliant mind, never thought such person with such brilliant mind could be soo low in emotional intelligence... you can master books but never dared master your emotions, and now your cousins are blaming me for your death of which i know i am not guilty of. but why i am having such sleepless nights over the thought of you committing suicide all becuz of me, i never saw you, i only knew you thru text messages, is this a curse or what.... i forgive you for doing such, i will br praying for your soul...

-- story of ruth -- over death of JR...

i got tired.

im supposed to be reading the labor code as i really need to read this for the upcoming late mid year meeting agenda... in fact i bought this book together with paolo coelho's eleven minutes, to which i was kinda confused i while ago whether to get PC's veronica died or this eleven minutes, you see i've been dying since last three days ago when i finished reading By the river piedra... for the third time as i cannot understood as to what happend and how i became... the end. and then i just grabbed the eleven minutes to stop the arguments that my neurons are up to... and then i read other people's blog again.. oh by the way while doing this i found myslef humming and yes singing my heart out with chloe agnew.. the lyrics is sooo damn good that it really touched my heart and yep... last two weeks ago i've been listening to her and then i just can't help it but hmmm went to amazon and then tried purchasing it, but then i settled in emailing my sister in massachusettes to buy me the dvd so she will she said so... ( crossing my fingers) .... i asked therefore i shall recieve... hahaah.. b__ me.. and so here is the lyrics... one world... ( this is so me...)

I hear a baby crying
A sad sound, a lowly sound
I want to take her in my arms
And then I dry away all her tears

I see a boy who's frightened
A young boy with old eyes
I long to say you're welcome here
You can be happy now that you're warm
Chorus:
We're all a part of one world
We all can share the same dream
And if you just reach out to me
Then you will find deep down inside I'm just like you

Loud voices raised in anger
Speak harsh words, such cruel words
Why do they speak so selfishly
When we have got so much we can share?

So let your hearts be open
And reach out with all your love
There are no strangers now
They are our brothers now and we are one

(Chorus 2x)

I'm just like you


----- see... its so me.. so teresa... so so so myself! haahah

blinging!
see i have to do this.... since im kinda giglly over the idea.... see.... arghhhhh he could be one of the toionk!!! ahahah... i go for these numbers....
1. start believing that some things do happen with a purpose...
2. being spontaneous in what i think somtimes makes me think im crazy
3. stop thinking of what lies ahead, instead enjoy the moment and savor its greatness - - the feeling of greatness.
4. still continue to love and care to the fullest
5. still continue to understand and not under estimate the power of other
6. from now on do not just stop counting 'till i loose my patience.. instead continue until i forgot what patience is... hehe joke! it would be the other way around.
7. makes yourself happy
8. do not forget to resolve issues before it gets me into trouble.
9. i need more hugs
10. please explain how can i make people know that i am good?... heheh they thought i am suplada.. well i am... if you don't know me well.
11. don't let pressure ruin my day.
12. help! i am not a moring person. so i ahve to be
13. let love be the reaon why i am alive.
14. keep on reading other people's blog. hahahah
15. continue travellin'
16. have to make something about how to have mor eincome over the thought of having a vacation blast next year.
17. pray for everyone!
18. sleep well and forget about nightmares.
19. stop whatever i am doing now!~ heheheh
20. i need tequila.
21. stop thinking over exes! they've been exed!
22. start writing my personal journal on recipes.
23. stop[ ranting over idiots idea
25. go get me self a OB GYNE doctor
26. try to save for my guitar
27. try to cut down softdrinks.
28. i have to make i real.... am i geting married?
29. i need a hug..... i need a hug....
30. i really need a hug.... and akiss onmy forehead.
see after 30...nothing.... life gets complicated.
i will still be needing the hug and hmmm... yeah need a hug and a kiss on my forehead.....

im doing it.

okey lenj, you read me right... ( see text bla ato.. indi call!) baw SSF ... dare again to put down the phone on me and i'll give you what you want, and then i realized he is extra super busy. and im here holding on to my hands trying to describe loneliness and the feeling of giggles over the idea of snooting around others' blogs... hahaah.. okey so i feel always relaxed reading others blogs. and i just couldn't help it not to comment.. heeh sorry about that if im hurting thine feelings bt hey i have nothing to prove except for the idea of thinking the what ifs... of my past.. like hmmm 15years ago i knew you?... hahah.. so the other was really been very well introduced by me through text to lenj... heheh no worries lenj still have no idea who are yuo anyway.... and that connects... and im still thinking... am i gonna get married?... hmmmm re think re evaluate re examine ngak?! same thought ahhh.... brian is not beautiful for now... i so want to go to the other side but am afraid i might bump into the other small but why i will be afraid? hmm maybe its becuz im not ready to face him and tell him that the other small is a one big ( though he is small) liar!? hay naku.... see you around the other!

and when can i hold you again?

the ussual forget nothings of a med student since they are too pre occupied by the idea of having much to offer for the cause or whatever the other med students are up to. but i don't blame you or others for being that kind (the forget the face vis a vis) and i don't expect you to remember me either, since i am always at the dark side of the earth trying to do something too, that i want to do it in a much safer box and conceal me self. too long for a message.
thanks for the invite! nice seein' you around crossing street havin' that face to smile around after your hard-core duty. heeheheh you might think i'm stalking you, but please im not it just so happen that i have to move around the area where you sometimes are. (winks!)

---- and it did made me smile. the thought of something that clings to my brain, and then i recv a text from SSF - message is " 60 anay ta!" what the .... i replied my brain is totally f__d up and that sometmes i get the wrong message since i think a virus is twitching my neurons to think and process the words or the messages that my cellphone is recving is tumbled! i sense a cute relationship ... a friendship blooming along the course of life's B... and now i promise myself to not to put much effort on the words like F - - B---- and others.... this is a start,
also i miss robert, i miss harold, i miss lenj i miss the place and much more of the best company, and yes im answering his thoughts over blog entries... hahaha i miss you guys much....
when can i hold you.... when can i touch you.... when will this strong yearning end.....

contemplating man eh.

i happen to browse some people's blogs to the other end... and yes i thought of my part... (reminiscing you call it?) and while reading the blog is that i happen to know we kinda blogmore likely... dots after each sentence, but i know that person's blog is much more of a hmmm what word am i gonna use... what the heck its cute. eheheh and so i compare my work over that blog (to whoever you are!) eheh the dots that connects, and so i have to share his /her blog to you as i dunno if this he'she'l know hehe...i just don't know as i have come across this person (yeah i did i always do!) but too freakin' i dunno whenever the time our paths cross. as i see him he is this too far for me to reach, as i thought of i might be the wrong person or the last person he would flash his sweet smile, though i have happen to see that sweet smile but of course not for me but for his friends, way back in high school ( of which you suddenly realized that tis blog is about the person i know during my hiogh school days!) tanga mo kaya! segi pa read! but anyway what the heck as i would want to continue my blog time about this person, he is big, not so big but big!! i know so little of him, but i think as like any other person, he has ll the goodside and the badside, all i see in him at a distant and how i have rad his blog is this kind heart, a human being who is wanting to make life a little bit easier for us all, a little less complicated one person's thought(and that is you!) about making life less miserable, less complicated ... so he tries to understand all his adversities of others and at the same time trying to cooperate in one section where he could be destined from one duty place to another. he is a med intern, he is good as far as i have known him, he is big with a soft heart and soft body( heeheh) he my tabby boy when i was in high school, i dunno if he knew then that i got a crush on him ( and so now i realized that fats and whites and big person are my likes in physical form!) as they give much of comfort and a great big hug when im down! --me thinks he won't be reading this. but then if he will., then la ta mahimo sina eh no?... so there it goes. i have heard lots about him about what happen to his life, and he has a younger sister. they are so cute. they love each other dearly and thats truth that even him could not deny the fact... i think... he is weird to others ( he said so) others perceives him as suplado and snobbish and weird and all the unthinkable people might think of him, but on top of it all he is just being him and wanting to reach out for something and that is to care perhaps not much of a people can be aware of that, though i cannot hate those person who think about him as like whatever to them since i know nothing of them, but then when it comes to this person i knew at distant he is juts trying to be good, and trying to make life a little less mesirable, is just plain big fat guy, trying to make his way to medical studies, he si good, plain and way very simple as far as i have knwon him since the time i was in high school, when those time he was one of the boss of the platoon. ahem. and that does it for him. after all he is just like one of the person i would want to bump into movie houses, catching the first flicks... wednesday movie goers... and he is just the type of aperson who sits and watch and relax! eheheh... go! MG..... i salute you for all your dreams.... and will be mysteriously idolize you for the perseverance! and will always be happy for whatever life leads you to. and will be most happy. the missing link!

one fine day - in the life of Marilou

i was just like sitting trying to let the time pass ... clockwatching as my friend jason would sung... and then i saw my love... staring at me and i took my camera and took the best shot ever caught in the act of staring at me... and then i felt the relief of knowing how much he wanted me so much...


and then i have no time and that i have to move and i that i have to leave him and so i left ... i walked through the footwalk and then all of a sudden i felt that someone is following me... and again i have to be prepared as the footwalk is not that secured area... and when i looked back.. there i paused and a releif and a deep breath and that my senses are coming on i saw my love again... he is sooo into me... and then i took again my camera and took a picture of him catching the momentous time of him so into me again..... those eyes... those face that i want to touch...


and so there ... the time i feel so into him.....

one fine day in the life of theresa --- marilou!

its the only thing

i guess the title is suppose to be like the in betweens... but then what the heck. im kinda in confusion over these thoughts that hunted me while i was having a pee over the thought of why men doesn't care?

first the idea came is when like last night am aboutt o go home, and then i have to ride the scooter( i am a scootrista i think! and so is my bf!)its drizzling... like okey i thought of my self that we have to equipped ourselves incase of a sudden rainfall as in rainfall... but bf did not mind as to him it was not going to pour hard on us... and so we scoot, but for me i have this heavy heart as if i was neglected, i was never taken cared of... like hey baby you need to use this raincoat or poncho so as not to get wet since its hard when you get sick. bit he didn't. so was like biting my lip of two feelings hating his guts and not feelinmg what i feel, i feel neglected and thought of this is the outcome of too hard and too self reliant. and that sometimes people forgot that you too need a simple hug and simple take care f yourself. and for that i now understood that my bf is one of those person who is juts like " she can take care of ehrself, she's big and strong and old enough to decide on what is right"... but to us womens, girls.. we still need that. at the end of the day we long for that i long for that... and when the time comes that i have to remind him that hey im a woman and i need a man to stand infront of me when im down and kinda depressed to make me feel loved and i iknow i deserve that. why do always have to plead for that?

it just popped in my brain

okey i was with BF at ace hardware, and then i get to do some pa tweetumns effect.... and then all of a sudden i saw this kinda what i've been looking for, and then bang! SSF came to mind and thought he mightlove this, and so i bought it, like i got to have two since the other one im going to give it to SSF so yep i grabbed two of the thing its called actually stylish comfortable mosquito net... but the catch is the design not the regular rectangle one and its like medieval type .... huh! and then okey texted SSF if he would love to have one ... so he said no... after a long exchange of text, for some reasons that is reasonable to him and i was kinda like... OMG i think im being scolded for purchasing such not important thing and that it is reality that i get to buy sometimes( all the time) that ends up hmmmm not of some importance. but what the heck, i though of i might use these naman siguro, so thats it, and then when he told me that dengue is kinda grabeh, hmmm never thought of that too as for i thought of the idea as giving it... so since i was exed by this idea so its okey, i think im beginning to have this attitude if you don't want it then its okey, if you do??? much better, but i can go by that idea of refusing man.... hehehe but then there comes a time that hah! im just quick at grabbing things like... i get to reat them and i love looking at them not just them ha... to others also, it makes my heart leap ( the feeling of excitement in between heartbeats!) i like the idea of the feeling in betweens.... its unexplainable... in short... undecided as to what you realy are feeling. hahah... so thats what happens to a mosquito net... -- stylish mosquito net.
and then right after the war of text ( as i may call it heheh) i washed my face with pro-active.. and then put on toner and then the repairing lotion, as i have been thinking of what the heck is going on with my face?.,.. i have been complaining this past few weeks right after the allergy that took me to look like a harrased woman... that i now really need to have that facial thingy, glycolic peel as i have read that it is of fruit extracts, so there i get to ask a friend if she could contact me a home service for that, and then luckily ( it is not supposed to be lucky right?)the girl did not answered as to what reason i dunno, and then thought of calling the aunt of my best seat mate ever.. desi for an appointment but to my cramming thing i always forgot... and so i opt to go for pro active at home, the only thing i don't like is that i will be doing it on my face, i would want someone to do that to me... heheh but then no! none! so thats it,.
but i got a nice lunch over JS and get to talk with life and his vision over his assignment and his idea of not telling others that he is ERAP so thats it, you may call it ego or the other way around... but then i have to respect his decision over that idea, as long as it does not hinders my whatever i stand on and how we deal with each other., he does look good except for the hair that recedes... as like SSF too but more cuter with SSF ... heheh ( allowance ko na!!! jokes!)
and then i get to budge BF of the idea of in yer face thing! like " bf the last time you told me you love me is may 18, 2007, what happen in betweens?... and then i get to ask me self... what happen to me too?.... did i grew tired over that idea of expressing how much i love him?... hmmmm i think i nevr did as i was busy thinking of how can we move to the next level of relationship, and then life's like that sometimes you both get so choked up with the idea of earning money and we tend to forget the idea of what is essential at the end of the day. men are like that
i dunno how SSF, LGA and RBA will agree to this but i bet and im sure that with their lifestyle its like that perhaps, or the very one thing that they would want to do at the end of the day is relax... that they needed there favorite couch, bed, reclined seats, hot milk, cold ice tea or lemonade, a good hearty meal, a bottle of wine or whiskey, scotch on the rocks, a small oderbs ( the french one dunno how to spell it!)or just a plain back massage and a nice conversation over a cigarette and smile and laugh perhaps destressing all the stress... yep... but for us women we tend to wait for them to notice our existence.... ( don't argue most of us! bitch! i do too!) and its kinda frustrating to think that sometims we are being neglected especially if we are too over sure of how the others feel. then we are taken for granted.... can be not true to others but usually it is. hehehe its all up to us women on how flexible can we get.... as for me i can have that priceless attitude over having to put on a cute smile over realizing that i get to be in love with the same person more than twice... and then i know im secured, becuz the bottomline is that's what realy makes me happy. after all only we can make ourselves happy, only we know how to make ourselves happy and only we know whats best and what can makes us happy..... we are just often too dependent on the others. wind it up! i just love living. :)

i just got nothin' here

im stacking up for a much more of a words or literary treat as LGA would call it, but for now i'll pause and will just do something else.... and have thought of humming something out of it.. then perhaps will look after them the time i could be more comfortable in blogging it off.
im quite awed by the feeling so i have to stay with for a while.
i miss you!