after all this time.. im still

it would be nice to think that i have been in a mode of silence
at one point i have to cry it out loud
several times i have to cry in front of my husband and my child
trying to understand
still i am trying
i have to stop whatever im doing
just to nurture the hurt
i am tired of crying, but i cannot help it
i busied myself but after all its done i cry
i keep my sanity intact with princess
she's all i got that's all i could say
and im trying to be so protective of her
not to experience what i am going through
i pray to God to keep her safe all through

im at my weakest point
im at my saddest part of life
im at my loneliest time..
same as i have experienced death of a love one,

i can never question its existence but i know there is a purpose

i thought all the while i could get through
but then it was bad shot

i wanted to gather everything
to make everything be everything
i wanted to let it be, have done this
perhaps i have had enough
its time to move on
i was discourage
and learned well
hatred swells....
and it does still
if only the people around are the same as me
trying to understand
trying to ask what happen
trying to understand why i have done that
but then yes its a simple life with a complicated frosting
that is being judge according to theirs
judging because we think others thinks like us
commenting without even trying to ask what happened
judging without even asking the cause
because i was vulnerable
i was hurt

if i don't have a heart that hurts
if i don't have a mind that thinks and analyzes
if i don't have these body to carry things out
what my heart and my mind is telling me...
life is a no brainer kind of game.

no one gets hurt....
no one gets weak.

sorry i got a heart and a mind....
so i get hurt and i got weak.

and i got my pride.
its a long process for me the way i see it
im holding on to no one
im still thinking positively
just let me be
let me go
let me heal the hurts...