babies..

thanks to MVG for giving me the thought of babies... its not becuz im so wanting it .. though i cannot hide the idea, yes i would want to -- catch is i could've settled for just having a child and won't even care in having a partner bf or husband you may call it....but then i had the grandeur of talkin' to mi papa while on a long drive back to city, and i was told that that happens to becuz of some circumstances... and everything floats away.... what if i cannot handle the idea of having a husband and then having to take care my family?... OMG.. so i dealt with brainstorming over that idea... summing it up multiplication and then whala! i got to a point that i won't jeopardize my baby's situation.. haaa.. indeed being a mommy and a wife ??? that entails lotsa of great big decision... an that i have to have great or maximus patience and muchos understanding over another human being born out fo me... and then a husband to take care... -- depression stricken me as to question my being of ?... what about me?... ahhhh that entails the idea of selfless love... then i admire mommies around the world.... and hate the stinkin' guts of kids who turn away and not havign tog ie thier mom the real dues that are supposed to be given to them... attention and much of appreciation for what she did, yeah fathers also has some share but that does it after a short eleven minutes of sex?... ahha joke yeah i know my father really wanted me so much.. thats why he never stopped fighting my mom over having sex (my brain is telling me like this!) inorder for me bella theresa to be born... ahahhaah... see wonder why parents fight?... its either lack of sex or the caring attention of mothers.. ahh wonder why fathers have anxiety over the idea of getting married.... maybe like that.. i dunno but maybe thats the conlcusion i get after hours of thinking what lies ahead of me .. takign the road of getting married and start havin' a baby... i could've had the chance of having that baby.. when i wa sin college but then i never thought of ... what if i had?.. shiet! i could've not accepted the idea of my baby not having his fatehr around for his father could be a damn super fuckin' (sorry 'bout that!) one slack male pig! yeah he is pig.. i forgive him. hell to him! ahahah.. and so thanks to MVG for the great big idea and now ic an see mys elf bearing the child of mine sooner like five years from now maybe... happy thoughts.. over the idea of " errrrrrrr""""" arrgggggg! sakittt!!! haahhaah.. or before that .... giving my tummy a stroke.. hey MVG you can do that too.... ahahahahah... joke... i know you're reading this.
and then these are ones and twos and threes...
1. im now roxas ...
2. shared some happy thoughts and happy memeories and shared my new found friend.
3. will be going back with happy thoughts for last night i thought of after a while i have learned that i don't own anything... what i own is only my feelings my emotions... thats what i can only manage... and sometimes i stumble and fall and again.. back to zero..
4. i have to finish the book 11 minutes.
5. sorry harold i have to hoar your pc here at the seminary.
6. my brains bleeds over the idea of future life and what it brings to me, i cannot just simply answer que sera sera
7. go the highlands like where i am right now... in a hill in a semianry... up the fourth floor?... where i can past the trees and enjoy the good serene sound except for the clicking of my fingers through this keyboard.. and plus plus plus... healthy and fresh air.. kay la ko di gani sigarilyo...haiz!
8. guitar is hovering my brain ... gibson or yamaha..???... money money....
9. i have this uncontained and unexplainable feling for now...
10. hope that his duty does intoxicate his ideas in life...
= == what lies beneath my humaness is a being who cares much to the world and wanting to give joy and make life a little bit easier and contentment after all... after all life is -life....