silence

yes i was in silent mode, as i have been busy with paperworks and some transactions, and then i paused, what the pack i have been doing lately that makes me so damn busy?.. or like what i am doing ba?what make me busy?...
1. bank transactions
1.a for shop transactions
1.b for house disbursement of workers

2. office paperworks
2.a office delinquent accounts
2.b case filing for the estafa case bp22
2.c filing of P.O.'s and D.R.'s
2.d canvass forms

3. home paperworks
3.a long overdue liquidation report ( yeah i know... )

4. bills to pay
4.a PLDT
4.b PECO--- damn freakin' electric bill are they in a race for THE HIGHEST RATE IN THE PHILIPPINES?.... too high and always brown out...
4.c SSS-PHIC for the office
4.d housemaid dues
4.e coming up water supply...
4.f taxes and rental fee.

5. my day is like three months to go... (quite sure na guid ha??)
....caterers.....dresss....flowers....church.....venue.....
ahhhh rituali si coming na ??.. what happen to that event planners kaya?... rituali has to go beyond those event planning...

hay... soon i'll be just singing in some private dinners... wohooo dreaming dreaming... im holding on to harold for this... hehehehe.... ala andrea bocceli with celine dion dinner concert... wohoooo yahooo yahoooo.... (yahoo should be paying me for this!)

papa is at bacolod for a 30day retreat.. he is doing okey but i think he is obese, he should go for check up after that retreat no... like annual check up.. heheh he needed that.. and then for me.. i have to go na guid schedule for my cardio... and not tell him im smokin! ahahahahahah its like having an orange juice and at the same time puffing liquid gas! haahah...(worst!)

best last line syndrome!! LLS - - from the movie of my beloved Don Vito Corleone, THE GODFATHER where my Mikey idol ... ahhh best actor!!!

...calo: In Sicily, women are more dangerous than shotguns!!...
...Don Corleone: Do you spend time with your family? Good. Because a man that doesn't spend time with his family can never be a real man. ...
...Don Corleone: You talk about vengeance. Is vengeance going to bring your son back to you? Or my boy to me?
...Mikey:Discontent for money is just a trick of the rich to keep the poor without it.....

i think i ahd enough of this ... but i would still love to go for another sleepless nights just for the corleones! .... whooo... next will be the borgia!! shall look for that in dvd... ahmmm...

and now i leave you with .... peace.... "Don't overestimate the power of forgiveness." .........

after we fall

yes and after we fall... copied from sunshine and her boyfriend.
and then a day to live and as we soar... guide us.. as we face the world - - by harold funa.. ahhh fever!
whatever happens in that moment of meeting not knowing how and parting not knowing when... so like this
and that in everything there is a moment of silence... and that i end up being justfied.. oh my what am i talkin' about... huhuhu
no good movies?... i need a good movies... i miss movie house... palagi na lang ako spend time with DVD's kaya ayun.. di makatulog ng maayus.. huhuhu
voices that care are crying out loud....


when the fly flew in.. he struggles to fly!

i could have been jerking around.... my tedy bear is out... perhaps he is not feeling well...

someone i can't have

that smile, that face
i've never seen that before
that sparkle in your eyes
caught me by surprise
and i thought of a love
from someone i can't have

those hands that carries no demands
i've could have hold it in my hand
though you're someone i cannot have

and i thought of a love
from someone ...
somehow
that smile could've been mine
to wear on my face will be such divine
for someone i love
that sparkle in your eyes i cannot define
for love is what i hide behind
i cannot lie, i cannot put love on the line
being undefined...
for someone i love i have lied

those hands, these hands
who longs for your tender touch that bonds
wanting to touch your face,
hold your hand together and hope you feel
the beating of my heart at race..
eventhough you cannot be mine.

to know that we have loved,
that i have loved someone
through and through
and that is you...
still i will be loving you
through and through....
only for you...

- - - dedicated to someone - - -
2.58am
still thinkinig of how HF touched his face during the lunch time, and oh my God i was mesmerized, gotten obsessed, picture this out... feels like i heard fairies are singing, and so this crazy lines are for you harold..
though its a combination of the other.. yeah i heard the fairies sung at the exit.. but much of harold's inspiration...

life's like that you can never have what you want, what you need sometime.
that dreams are meant to be a dream, and to be dreamt, that the only thing i know about constant is the rising of the sun, the stars at night, the moon and the unending love of God... and the compassion of His Mother...

walking in the air....

went to atrium this pm after work, then i rushed for the God father trilogy disk.. and then yes... chaching..... went to grocery to get me some food and then chaching.. its like i have been spending much ha... and then swoon... swoon.... swoon.... while walking i of course recvd a text message about okray over the person as to ask why am i not going to the investiture of my adopted brother in roxas?.. hmmm now that i have reason to go... i replied " i have a feeling that i cannot contain for now.. like at the exit of the atrium... at that very moment i thought of someone... hahaha.. its ike flashing of smiles in my thoughts... and then off to go!
maybe he is home already?... i dunno or was at my bbbbbbbbbbrrrraaaaiiinnnn inside me head.... arggg that moment... ese momento yo sentía el amor está en mi espalda, el está en mi espalda, seguramente yo knew. eso fue grande, eso lo fue... el interno, el médico, el otro... ... mi otro..
and i miss ... oh no i never miss i just don't want to be caught off-guard..
and then i was about to step out while twitching my text(winkies!!!) i thought of wanting to eat litson manok or baked one... hmmmm so sad .. i didn't got one... i got some mucnhies though like.. cookies?.. ahhhh junk foods .. like i have some nuts.. some nachos! ahaha... dipped inm home made dip! with dijon... ahhh but i would try that curry ketchup of my dearly beloved harold. and i so want to tell harold over the incedent! tomorrow.. for now i have to rest i have to see the godfather. .. quizás mi médico se irá de mis pensamientos... pensamientos.. pensamientos... quizás.....quizás.....quizás....quizás.........
pero soñaré de usted esta noche.....¡Duerma bien mi amor.. buenas noches!

let me tell you this

if i could... i want to help you, i would want to take care of you, cook you sumptious meals(winks!)great tasting healthy juices, some sandwich, give you a slight massage on your back, scrub your back, give you warm fresh crisp towels everytime you come out of the bathroom, put you to sleep with the serene sound of celtic music, hand massage?... and perhaps i can give you a big great hug, and when you are sick i will stay at your side always, prepare you a nice scrumptious mushroom soup... whatever it is you might like.. as long as i can.. i will... but then how could i?... now since i cannot have that answer... here's what you're going to do... lots of water, lots of sleep, warm meals ... ahhh you know what to do right?.. i know you know... but then i still will if only i could...
how would first meeting be? .... like everything is first time?...

comentario

Moxs said...
let me put it this way...selfish...nope, just find a little time to be wid yourself ah...find d time that nobody will bother you while you settle/find your thoughts so that you can decide or take act, thats what
I mean by being selfish, giv yourself a chance, him/her a chance, gets? -wonders again if she understands, and smiles...-

- - yeah that's what i call having my personal space, especially if im thinking and feeling at the same time, whatever disposition i am into.
thank you.. yes i am wondering so much, everyday, endless wondering... and i just have to bow down my head and yes smile.... breathing deeply!

- - - whatever happen to my blog that made its way to panay news.... you think they read that article?.. hope not! crossing fingers..

and then my heart is thumping, irregular beat.. oh no.. not now i say to my heart since i am so aware that i am not so good in facing acosta.. hehehe what i hate?.. wating lines....
where i end up....
1. bored.
2. would want to sing infront of other patients to kill time.
3. think of a love lost and found
4. no i am not going to read my book as it makes me sleepy...
5. malapuwak sa kainit!
6. hate to see those like coughing thier lungs out!!
7.. end up thinking of meeting someone unussual... ngek! toink! kablag!
when?... ohhhhh when was that?... was there a time?... la pa gani kadto kag!

and i fell in love with Sebastien Izambard.... hehehe cute eyes.... soft lips... nice face... ahhhh husband figure... Sebastian is a talented songwriter and accomplished guitar and piano player as well as being a self taught singer
--- see we are so the same.... thing is i am not a talented songwriter and an accomplished guitar and piano player.. just a self taught singer.. huhuhu... but i know i can pull in harold to play piano for me.. as long as he is not busy at the seminary.....harold you rock as in... guapo sa imo 'rold.. shiet! saw you fix your eyeglasses during sg lunch natun sa esca's oh my tanginagago you're so handsome.. swooon!!!! who needs michael buble?... when i know i got harold! ahahha

and i finally have come to the point of married life... do i have to?...
thinkin' posibilities... thinking of husband's attitude etc etc etc.... will i survive? can i handle things?... ahhh question love...

i have to do this...

or else im not going to have this good night sleep.. its hovering!
actually im not so coffee drinker that i have to have it everyday?...no, its more like you want to have coffee?.. okey i'll go for tea or water... its becuz.... my heart skips! and pumping fast... and that there would be time of the day that 'tangina! linagumba lang ya! but then i sometimes take some sip..and a cup and experience .... haaa... and then i read other people's blog.. sheit! again... long i have been addicted in writing whats in my thoughts and whats in my heart... no i dnt need lobotomy. what usually is the issue that surrounds why people love to talk and talk?.. well it dpends on who are you talkin' to.... as for me if im with my party list supah friends we talk about what goes in and out of our lives and what we feel and some spoofs... and never ending. sometimes when i talk to some people.. like friend of friend.. it is spontaneity eh.. so i cannot pick the right issue. but i know right now my heart is aching! shiet! again i have to go check up with acosta for the freakin' MVP he was telling me last year... it feels like numbness....
back to the story... i am.. hahahaah!!! joke! ... its not in the eye its partly how your heart would skip and tell you aftr each every question of what if and what nots... ahhhh pucha! hirap describe.. i think i shall rest since i don't feel good... tired and restless and in sunset!!! hearts pumping and ahhh.. tired lang uid guro.. perhaps post bamboo excitement lang ni.... winks!

09-01-2007

yeheyy!!! first day of september...
briefed the new hired employee.
meet up with lenj and harold at smcity, usual meet and greet of my love ones... hayyyy his face is so smooth... the others' face is smooth too... i think???? so i talked to them about my lost comments and commentaries... then ... dropped them off at atrium, went home took a bath and then prepared for babmboo's concert... 'twas a blast... yes so i was with my panay news friend.. JPC oh my gosh! my blog! he put in one of his article... oh my oh my... JPC ahhhh... but anyway wala na ko may mahambal pa kay na published na... hahhhhhhhyyyy!!...
still il divo is winking at me sebastien!! i love you! hahaah....
hey tell you about what happen to the concert or what i have been doin' at the concert... of course i was so enjoying the time... i get to scream so much on top of my lungs... harsh voice i got that secondary vocal used up and guess what i did not had sore throat! yipeee.... i so love singing na talaga.. words/names that i screamed:

i love you!!!!!!!
im rock!!!!
im here!!...
wohoooo!!!
batchoy!!!!.....
harold!!!( like thrice?)
robert!!!!...
hell yeah i screamed a lot... so there... and then went to smallville to have our dinner.. then coffee and postres...
and a very nice conversation with harold, lenj, marie and JPC of panay news and others from roxas who comes and goes.... and some friends i met there... okey lang...
ohh my bim bim is asking me to attend his investiture on friday at roxas, and i can't make promise to come or not to come... but he is like been asking me to come... okey sideways...
so back to sept 1, 2007.... hayyy... went home 4.30am.. why?/... its raining .. drizzling and we are having so much fun, yes boss i did not had any boooze..... great! no hangovers and no head aches hmmm... just walking in the air...
then ff day sep2 woke up 8.30 so like i had only 3 hours of sleep.. went to atrium to check on dvd's.... haaa i got celtic women, il divo and andrea bocelli!!! i love these... it shall be added to my passion for msuic of this kind... and
then meet and had my late breakfast... with harold, lenj and JPC at their hotel. so there... talked again and had a laughs... ahhh i love the company.. witty and okrayan... jahahaha...
and then had late lunch at escas, and then after that they need to go back to roxas, some sked and harold has class tomorrow at the seminary and also lenj has schedule at the parish tc etc etc... so again although i know i have to get that sleep, instead i went to watch il divo and etc.. i am not stoned! i don't do drugs... its just natural for me to be like hyper.. and then i know i will miss again the comapnjy of great friends great taks and i love more coffee when shared with them.

in life its not all we want we can have, thre are things that are meant to be only for dreaming... that perhaps adds up a little spice in our life, that once in our life we became so crazy over something or someone... still having that diginty and composure...
that in life... there are people who pops in and out and you never know he became so part of your life.. in wa y sometimes we know sometimes we did not... but as for me i always know.. thats why im ever greatful for friends and etc.. for such a blessing, be it hurts me or whatever emotions.. still i know essential to my being are those that helps me grow and maturely accept the facts and realities..

yes finsihed ko na eleven minutes.. so shoudl i contiue with paolo coelho or buy isables?... what?.... no book reading for me this week?... tani man lang a good conversation... over coffee?... ayyyy busy sked this week.... poof!yhey...go na ko for the med stud of WVSU and asclepius' sponsorship and i will be the one who's going to attend...?.... huh???... we'll see... hehehe..

i don;t have time to rant for now.. but i know i ahve iun my brain to rant about but " never on a sunday!" ahhh slepy.... let me dream of you tonight! goodnight!
its 10.51pm 09-02-2007

what ever happens

splat! sgirks!.. crack!! prrrssst! there goes the connection of my neurons way back in high school. bling!!!
start!

yes im not so into like do i have to study?... hey! i have been listening to my teacher naman, though sometimes it is just like in the middle of the subject matter especially early morning subject ( math! toink!!)hated math.. i am still happy with the basic... plus minus multiply and divide.. heheeheh so i usually come to school late.. so what! eversince i have been a night owl and my mom would tell me that "your like aswang! you are so up in the middle of night and late to wake up!" so theresa as always like thrice in a week will be late... reason?.... --- i saw him.. eheheheh cute! we're like late people! eheheh
and then ... i am always up with singing and dancing... i enjoyed much of highschool days though i can count on my fingers those i am with most of the time, since i have my own world... like when we graduated yes im friend to them but i don't stick to them that much... i only have 3 barkadas(groups!) and that they know everything about me from my super crush to my super teddy bear to my apple of the eye... still i never did tried flirting with them... its becuz i have that bitchy and maldita and suplada effect... one thing i enjoyed the most is CAT-- hahaha if i will classify myself as a student i am more of like in between... ( ha!!!! in between!)like im not so suplada that i get myself into trouble no... and im not the goody type either.. so like ... what the .... as long as i am not being touched or not in trouble... heheeh so i realy enjoyed singing.. like i joined singing duets.. dancing and dancing... eheheh what else... what i love most is when i would try to position my chair near the door so that i could see my crush... my teddy bear! hehhe i look at him that time and ... swoooonnnnn!!! pinch me pinch me... as i would always tell my friend... and then he is like being in a pedestal.. higher than me as he is intelligent very intelligent, cute, big of course who would have thought of me to be this big after high school no?... as i was like this sooo small --- long haired human being... who they thought as suplada.. and ugh! whatever they thought of me and percieved ... shiet! i say to you you are soo wrong! and so yes... so back to my crush (as this realy made high school life a big toink!) ahhhhh i dunno if he has girlfriend that time i dunno as still i knew then that they can't hurt me even if i love them from a distance... and i was like a snoopy girl.. i knew alot about him family, siblings... even where they live,..... and until now i still have some source about that but not that much like when i was still in high school... during my high school days i have been spending time at the seminary during weekends
when i was in college and had lots of freakin' people and friends whom i have used my bitchyness to the limit and that i even cursed others and damn! i was soo rebelious during those time...
i had this not so fine relationship. and that thank you to them as i have learned so much of life and i understood how much fucked up they are than me! ahahha
oh okey... do i need to put them here?.... hahahah will skim them ... hahaha
i wanted so much to earn money other than holding my hand up infront of my mom and ask for my allowance... so i applied in mcdonalds... i work there as a part time crew...
so like i am this very diligent student... that even summer i will take some subjects so that my regular school days will be much free.. i woke during afternoon till night .. clsoing so like i go home around 11pm or alter.. like after work i will stop by have a bottle of beer that if my ex-sem friend cum teacher will drop by and we have talk under whatever that is... life and life and life.. but he has a girlfriend that time.. so we are like hmm hmhmhm friends! so a smoke and a bottle of beer. and then sometimes some friends.. especially during pay day.. ows! like i have moohlas that time like i have around 2thousand of allowance per month then i have my pay at mcdonald's like 2thousand also?.. wopppeee... see i so much enjoyed buying me self clothes shoessss where i drool.... and socks... heeheh and then of course i have some bf's that does not last... those are just some fucked up! like hell-o!
once i feel like i don't like him or just anything that does not make me feel good even just one time.... bang! your off... im not pretty i know but then i have to be aware that there are just persons that are a totally whacked fuck up.. stoned and etc etc etc...i even had a bf that had an affair with a gay... as in i really jackpot them ... and then next is.. i have this bf who got other girls pregnant... its becus i don't want?.. shiet?... and then there's this one fling guy that his idea is to go to bed with me... shiet! he was soo sick! as in, and then since he did not got what he wanted.. he told me that he doesn't like chubby girl he wants skinny.... yeah skinny yourself.. like you don't have a fat ass to hold on to. so he was exed! like he is now in hell!! hahaha... like what if his gf soon to be wife or is it his wife now?.. got preggy and then came to point that she came fat... what is he gonna do?.. ditched his wife?... tang ina mo gago ka... yan lang ba ang pinag aralan mo?... kung gano kataba ang ayaw mo?.. or ganu ka payat?... di mo ba alam ana ang mga payat ay walang boobs?... walng tush behind?... and isa pa... di sila maganda sa kama! gago ka! you are wan pak shiet! are you on drugs?.. gago yun tlaga as in sa mga nak relasyun kpo tang ina tlaga yun.. kala mo kung sino relihyoso... tang ina mo... basag mo nga vase ng lola mo sa bitchokoy mo! gago ka insecure ka.. at eto pa... payat mo kaya.. kala mo guapao ka?... tang ina alam ko addict ka noy! magsama kayo ni kamatayan! ahahaha... wan pak shiet tlaga yun eh... kung meron alng oras na pwede ko kayung batukan batukan ko kayo eh.... mag walang hiya.... kayo ang salot sa lipunan... tpos i end up day dreaming over my crushes.... and blamed them for not wanting me .... heheeh gaga rin eh ano?... but then all is fair in love and in war pero sa isa yun it wasn't love... katawan ko lang after nun... gago kasi eh.. dahil di nya ma angkin kaya sinabi mas gusto nya payat! tanga!!!!! pwet mo meron tubo! gago ka! --- fubus bravahhhhhhh....pero minsan alam mo pag nikikita ko sya or minsan nasa i i sang resto kami tang ina bat ko siya papansinin... worth ba sya?... fuck you asshole !! mas gusto ko malaki! malaki na tao! i love cuddles and hugggables and yung malaki ang katawan ( hoy! di malaswa ito anu!) gusto ko yun kasi i feel more secured kasi malaki nga ... tapos yung grabeh mag hug... ayshhhhh touchy ako.. tapos yung mahal na mahal ako yun ako lng iniisip plagi, of course naman meron din siyang priorities but then mahal nya ako.at ako alng... kahit na mataba ako.. mataba din sya eh... .. and sudeenly it turned sour! shiet! why i am doing tagalog ahhh?....and why am i telling you this?... di ba high school life?
i love high school.. but then dreams ended up as dreams... there are some reasons as i know nothing but still i know i lived life to the best... i love and will be loving and still be loving... will be longing for the time where i can have coffee and talk to you...a smoke or two over some issues.... and perhaps i can get a hug from you.

i think.. then i stopped end it with a smile.

a. happy that he still lingers in my brain.
b. yikes busy sked next week.
c. have to travel to miag-ao and meet with rituali there.
d. okey im so excited over meeting harold and lenj and jpc
e. not much with bamboo, but with the idea of seeing TPL people.
f. i had 3 sticks of, yes cigarette.
g. i have to admit i really like to have coffee with ???
h. i don't think he is waiting for my thoughts?
i. ahh yipeeee im so done with month end cramming..
j. whats with heraclitus?
k. everytime i look at you... mind becomes an empty space
l. i am so blessed with a neice to comfort me night
m. and listen to my feelings and the kilig moments.
n. hmmmm when can i hold you?
o. can we stop and talk a while?
p. yehey!! i will make sure i'll visit jenjen to see you around that if you are around.
q. im so bad like im thinking of someone like " who could be ill today?"
r. i need to see my cardio.
s. its been long that i never get to rid emy bike?>...
t. hmmm scooter needs to be use.
u. i want to talk with you in just about anything.
v. rest assured im still reading your blogs, but can't comment -- reason?
w. who needs reason?....
x. i imagine you walking and suddenly i grab your hand and ... we smiled and we walk together... la lang feel ko lang.
y. hayyyyy tani man ang no, i could patch things up.
z. i have to admit i am not beautiful.
z.a. bf is around nah.... hmmm missed him at work...
z.b. this guy who keps me on the ground.. hayyyy
z.c. and that there are just some people who would still settle for sexy, beautiful women with big boobs and tush,,,,ugh! highly sex appeal...
z.d. but then thats okey since im not that kind of girl anyway.. so its okey...
im not affected, but then... i still want to have cofee with you... hehehe

love you harold! hahahaah.... as if this is you! i can't find the freakin' dot!
these are just products of my such the only beautiful part of me is my brain! yeah yeah ,my brain... is beautifull... and i can create a much more wide array of love lost friendship lies deceit cowardice innocence bitchyness life idiots doing what ifs and what nots even medical terms like.. dengue! hemmoragic fever! and movies like ratatouille and ang pagdadalaga ni max oliveros or a love story?... yikes! see i can do that.... betcha didn't know... i miss your comments! he!.. mo' hugs!!!! haahahah swack na swack ....