11.20pm

goin' crazy.... my brother is trying to twitch something over his airsoft gun and i was just there taking pictures of me... hahah i join them playing once in a while at the back of our ancestral house in oton, and yes.. that was the rush of blood... the idea of crawling and trying to hide through the bushes and splash me self in a shallow watery part of the so called jungle .... that was fun, mind you i did it.. we won... hahaha! ahhhh war freak!!! and by the way... i feel excited... and then tiresome .. so i have to ask for a moment of full body massage... ahhhh revitalizing... tired... tired becuz i have to rush papers and some reports.. and meet with the attorney ASAP ,.... still im excited hmmmm.. missshuuuuu..
daddy joel called and haa same thing its all about mountain climbing and exploring what's out of the city life., but now i cannot do that anymore. i stopped three years ago. then i was this soo vibrant over caving, mountaineering that i would even go for such like a week of life in the jungles of maasin and exit at alimodian, overnyts to napulak... caving a at dingle, haaa... with deafs and sme volunteers with mountaineers.. and then after i bought me self a bike, a whooping 32thousand .. that time its like " grabitadddd!!!" now its in the other room... after the 45 degree angle stunt i did 4 years ago?... which the doc did a 15 stitch on my chin and a 16 stitch on my arm and a butterfly on my forehead?... hahahaah and jaw breaking experience, and a swollen face?.. damn shiet! i love rides! im addicted to the feeling of wind blowing on my face.. but never a rock and a blood dripping on my head... and then a blood that never stops bleeding on my arms... phew! just had a 30 minutes ride or almost an hour from the city and so excited to go 45degrees downhill at sta barbra, during that ime the proposal pa lang ang airport... then kblag! i souted weeeeeee... boink! ambulance man ko pabalik iloilo.... hay life... and i was told by my brother ha! bionic woman...and then after that i stopped. ..... . whew! one thing that i hated during the time i was in emergency room is that the needles... hate needles... cylocane you call it?.. ahhhh that med... hate the needles still, and then after a few weeks i have to return to get the stiches off.. see MVG take note the intern who tried to get the stitches off my chin and my arms.. was eating a chippy - - funny and irritating things is when she did took the stitches i can smell her fingers like chippy.. so she did not even tried to clean herslef... so i said " are you done with your chippy?" but phew.. cannt blame her due to stress and maybe bullied by other older docs or interns... so i shall forgive her but hey what if it happens to a critical person?... hay naku.... life savers?... candies?... and then funny thing happen is when i was saved by my breasts!!! yes my breast! brownout and i was so wanting to eat talaba at eric's that was 3 years ago too... i end up in a dry manhole.. which bruised my shin... deep... and i was like.. ugh!!! there goes my talaba nights, so i was rushed to my bf's home as he was driving the terrano, which i am the one supposd to be driving, but since i was to lame and to drive that time, so it happend, and then what i hated the most?... again... anti tetanus injection... haaaaaayyyy... called up my friend and told them! " hey did you know that i was again got into like a freak accident?... " i was freakin' save by my breast?" now i have these to thank for.... hahaahah ... and then someone texted me that he is imagining how i kiss... damnit how could he do that?... so physical so i stopped by him by telling him... abi pag decide na para tapos na ang antus mo...ma pari ka guid bla?... hahahaha... so he was stung by my words that led him back to where he belongs.... its 1.48am, mosquito bites! time to rest the nights...
before i sleep let me count them in....
1. hugs and butterfly kisses.
2. hugs and butterfly kisses.
3. miss you partylist.
4. hugs and butterly kisses.
5. im going to roxas.
6. puff puff puff and away.
7. trying to get the chance to make mommy cynch and soon to be a doctor marie a healthy sandwich for a treat.
8. cook another specialty ( new food again!)
9. a hmmmm cocktail drinks? or juice?
10. hugs and butterfly kisses.
11. what no good movies?
12. ahh of life and what goes around... talk?>.. no one to talk muuch about these stuffs lately... chona and the rests are busy with activites...
13... ahhhh i go for the idea of joining me brother for a airsoft
14. hugs?.... anyone?
15. i should be singing a song for you.
16. life
17. hmmmm... nice massage ...
18. i so like to ahve coffee and a very good conversation.. well if you start...
---ends....---

anger mngmt - and something else

that is nice, they took the seminar, i just don't know if papa is one of the participant or facilitator... ehheh miss you papa! miss talkin' sensible things or maybe things that are sesible to me ... just a quiet time ...

whats on my brain.... starting 1.15pm.

woke up 7am, tired of singing my heart out after each blog i made early this morning.

took a bath--- long bath...

then munch on sandwich...

off to see the barangay captain for signature

then off to seminary - - at last nakuha ko na whoooping ten thousand paymnt from disbursed money last saturday for that muslim bling bling seller...

deposit the check, jeepney ride and had all the thoughts of fun fearless happiness and the thought of blog is alive! hahahaha....

and then i felt a sudden urge of " i want to stop here.. like right here in this street!"

so i did.. naug ko jip ah.... tripping lang....

then i smiled... simple things makes me happy, happy thoughts that lingers...
the feeling of having someone whom you don't know much but simply respects my ids, and egos.. heheeh (ids guid yah!) and super ego... ahhh all yes indeed lingers subconsciously... but knowing that it is like a euphoric feeling... the feeling of hmmm uncontained happy emotions.

i have been singing the vivaldi's rain and have known the lyrics' translation ... its cute its like i will recommend this to those who are still looking --
yes papa bert i know i have to heed your words.... " baby hm hmh hmh m na bla... "

goey! im like stuck in the idea of happiness aka cloud nine...
and i am trying to dig in to the feeling of wayback into love... the real score...
what it entails... the reality..... paused for like 2hours....

and then i caught myself - - - with talking soo pleasant... whhhaaat??? yep i did, and you see... and i was told that " kanami sa imo mag talk bla".. well infact struggle guid ako over talking slowly... as i know fully well that i talk fast. and blabber most of the time.... eheheheh especially if im in a hyper mode!

see marie knew that something is going on... hahahaha when she heard that hyper mode is on... hahaah... toinkies! will talk to you about that marie.. aahhhmiisshshuuuu

and then.. i noticed that okey gle mag talk slowly galing to others when i talk slowly they think im kinda BORING! haahah fakelam ko s)(*! i like the idea man at least am getting a little learning each time...

innards turnover! oist! i need blood profile check up and platelet counts and also EKG.. ar i have to get me self log in for doc acosta na lang... and that i have to tell him.. osrry i have been such a bad girl.... doc i like you clinic! eheheh nice music you have... but then my heart skips... not in tuned! eheheheh so i need you to check okey... do some test... just don't make turok turok the injection okey! you know i hate that.... hmmm thinking of " sino kaya pwede OB Gyne?... hmmmm


whhhattt?? no good movies?.... shame on me.... its a wednesday night and no good movies?... helllo you can never caught me watching tagalog movies... much better to watch epic movies like curse of the golden flower! eheheh

and then i come across to this song...and it stayed in my head... oooohhhh.. lss namn ni.... by elton john....
I want love, but it's impossible A man like me, so irresponsible A man like me is dead in places Other men feel liberated

I can't love, shot full of holes Don't feel nothing, I just feel cold Don't feel nothing, just old scars Toughening up around my heart

But I want love, just a different kind I want love, won't break me down
Won't brick me up, won't fence me in I want a love, that don't mean a thing
That's the love I want, I want love

I want love on my own terms After everything I've ever learned Me, I carry too much baggage Oh man I've seen so much traffic

So bring it on, I've been bruised Don't give me love that's clean and smooth
I'm ready for the rougher stuff No sweet romance, I've had enough

--- see this is kind selfish no?... sounds like?... hahaha...
... i want love... actually i need i just need a big great hug from my best friend.. who is in seminar right now still with anger mngmt... huhuhuh

ooopppssss.. time flies so fast.... have to scoot... let me think... see you later blogger tonight.... hehehe

could it be.

ahh yes even a person committed need someone to talk to other than bf/gf.
picture this.. in abench, not talking. but just sitting beside each other... corny but yes i think i like that, especially when best shared with a friend. someone who understand thoughts without saying any word.
okey.
you have been in my thughts all the while
you who i see from a far
you whom i thought i would never give a smile

you who have been storming my brain
you the person i cannot see
'tis you again whom i know i long to see

ahh you.. you make me feel brand new.. eng! curve side!

its you i wanted to ask.. can i be your friend?
lame of me not to ask what are we here for
is this a coincedence?
ahhhh pinch pinch pinch
think think think
are you destined for this... look at you...
you have to go back to your bed, read the book and that will help you sleep...
stop looking at yourslef at the mirror and
blog! gdnyt! ahh life ----
when you can't get enough sleep.. the twitching in your brain is so intense.
too much sleep?... brain freeze! boing!

hearing from you?.... sleep!

--- this is what late night coffee and puffs.. does!

i just don't get it.

questions in my brain
that shall be answered by my heart
uncontained emotions and pain
all i know my heart will just skip and that will be a treat

a treat to me doctor and then he'll tell me... MVP again
ahay.. im killing myself in squizzing out what i really felt for now.
i just can't make it.
go for numbers and dots.

1. its 2.09am, im not yet sleepy.
2. will have to finsih reading eleven minutes
3. best line read to day is " life moves very fast, it rushes us in heaven to hell in amtter of seconds" thats from maria ... in PC's eleven mnutes.
4. yeah call me late bloomer with paolo coelho, but the deal is like i still love blog reading.
5. hmm i miss my hugs.
6. charlotte church entertains my ear.
7. yup good music heals my subdued feelings.
8. hala ... la pa ko watch movie... oh yea bourne ultimatum i did.
9. will watch heffalumps again.
10. i love jacky chan's ads over credit card.
11. still my nail polish is black
12. hmmm may pimple ako!!
13. bimbim cuteee can you be my youner bro.. that i never had?
14. harold i miss you
15. robert i miss you
16. lenj i miss you( but will be seeing you with bamboo!!!)
17. sister... you know youa re badly needed by me.
18. i wanted to do something before doing something. and that i want to have agood conversation!
19. miss na food ?.. nino's pizza
20. ang guitara ko.... huhuhuhuhu... i want to have you in my arms....

-- i jus don't get it. im not yet sleepy......
la man may ga sabat sa mga text ko... aythe!!!!

and so i replied. as i have promised.
but before the replies thing no... i caught myself holding my hands frequently. the reason is loneliness seeps in my veins.. the very thought of i need to go to the north! im waiting for the invitation sent by bimbim, and by then i think i could smack schedule and hmmmm refresh .... still it depends how the invitation will be processed by my crammed up brain and my jell-o type heart! hehehehe.. im crazy! i am!! he said so they said so... carry ko kaya! ha! JPC woke up 10am! wohoooooo bag mo harold ari pa di ay! heheh.. hmmm what else... ey try to listen to charlotte church's "even God" ahhh its like a simple question we always have each day.. faith faith faith! and then what else, went to oton for dinner and get back to city by 9 am, brother is fixing his airsoft gun and talkin' about jing gong! yateks!! and then the word for tonight is anxious -- in ilonggo- dammit! (ang shoes ) worry na sya actually daw gin panami lang sg mga psych! f()()(( and then regret... same.... nugonnan... hay naku,.... whatever...but we had a good laugh over those words... i call it the battle of the brilliant brainless thoughtless siblings... laugh trip!
and then i miss again the hug... la pa me kita best friend ahh... abi tama na seminar ... heheh sometimes i hate to say this words but please beer( heehh) with me! "pa, la ka na time mag tok sa akun and listen sa mga updates sa life ko pa... galing te anhun ko ina abi kay muna imo vocation!" and then i will cry. kay miss ko sya much... more than my mom. sorry mom but its just the freakin' truth of what i feel. hehehe level? one point lower than my sister! hehehe ... miss the most?... good conversation! but hey hey hey im having a good conversation over blog entries kaya.. so this si just a diff kind but still good conversation.

here it goes... the replies to mr anonymous!

ha.... i so know you. now! what's with anonymous. hahha.. erp?... love care faith hope and trust go together?... hahah yahhh yahhh! hitback.. we are always late! ( we bumped into each other ayt?..)hahah.... i so know who uses these words... -- toink innards are feeling squeezy! yeah smoke to kingdom come! ahah! love that! bakit OBGYNE doctor... becuz i think its the right thing to do babae at my age to have one, -- yeah marriage is a forever thing.. so i better ask me slf again no?... if we will it time will come we will hav the world to .. lets travel! hahaha.... away from this smackering hamlet and thoughtless earth! haah to the mars! perhaps smeone might have the wrong idea of thinking about me during the time of 3am of which i usually do wake up.. its kinda emily rose noh?... ahahah yeah at the end its how much we love. with hugs and kisses... hmmmm i might need to ask my very best friend for that great big hug and great big kiss on my forehead.. i don't know how is he going to do that with very tight sched but i know he will im going to ask for it...
--- ahoy mateyz!thanks for the comment! welcome to the blogger addicts!

okey the dots... hmmm im confused! but WHAT THE HECK... mic sound check... maybe the timing was not just in time..( shiet what a sentence!) fact! common to men--- malipaton! especially notice ko sa mga futuristic one... hahah see you around... and please be kind enough to flash the smile! -- ha! begging?.. no just asking! hheheh anyway its the right hting to do na nowadays.. to help other felt that they are warm and human being too... nheheh ...

--- reverberating--

that word i cannot just ignore as it was used by someone to describe my personality. and i don't know how true. hope he is in good disposition now...

lets snooze! time is 2am! good night bloggers!

committed - -- - in her shoes

i am just a plain lass. i work during the day to get me self an education that i do during night time, it all started in a text messages, i never saw you, i knew you but we never met. i never thought one could do that for me, your death trembled me not becuz i regret the idea of not choosing you to be my partner and not saying yes to your request of "lets get married" -- as my simple answer to that question is just a mere "no" -- and the reason is that i still have dreams of finishing school for my future.. never have thought of you will commit one that i dread the most, i hated you for doing such, and then i pity you for not knowing what really love is in the process, and then i realized that for you love is selfish. and now i am anxious with the thought of why me?... why in the hell this happen to me. i cannot fathom why in the hell you did such with no second thought or such, as you are a person with a brilliant mind, never thought such person with such brilliant mind could be soo low in emotional intelligence... you can master books but never dared master your emotions, and now your cousins are blaming me for your death of which i know i am not guilty of. but why i am having such sleepless nights over the thought of you committing suicide all becuz of me, i never saw you, i only knew you thru text messages, is this a curse or what.... i forgive you for doing such, i will br praying for your soul...

-- story of ruth -- over death of JR...

i got tired.

im supposed to be reading the labor code as i really need to read this for the upcoming late mid year meeting agenda... in fact i bought this book together with paolo coelho's eleven minutes, to which i was kinda confused i while ago whether to get PC's veronica died or this eleven minutes, you see i've been dying since last three days ago when i finished reading By the river piedra... for the third time as i cannot understood as to what happend and how i became... the end. and then i just grabbed the eleven minutes to stop the arguments that my neurons are up to... and then i read other people's blog again.. oh by the way while doing this i found myslef humming and yes singing my heart out with chloe agnew.. the lyrics is sooo damn good that it really touched my heart and yep... last two weeks ago i've been listening to her and then i just can't help it but hmmm went to amazon and then tried purchasing it, but then i settled in emailing my sister in massachusettes to buy me the dvd so she will she said so... ( crossing my fingers) .... i asked therefore i shall recieve... hahaah.. b__ me.. and so here is the lyrics... one world... ( this is so me...)

I hear a baby crying
A sad sound, a lowly sound
I want to take her in my arms
And then I dry away all her tears

I see a boy who's frightened
A young boy with old eyes
I long to say you're welcome here
You can be happy now that you're warm
Chorus:
We're all a part of one world
We all can share the same dream
And if you just reach out to me
Then you will find deep down inside I'm just like you

Loud voices raised in anger
Speak harsh words, such cruel words
Why do they speak so selfishly
When we have got so much we can share?

So let your hearts be open
And reach out with all your love
There are no strangers now
They are our brothers now and we are one

(Chorus 2x)

I'm just like you


----- see... its so me.. so teresa... so so so myself! haahah

blinging!
see i have to do this.... since im kinda giglly over the idea.... see.... arghhhhh he could be one of the toionk!!! ahahah... i go for these numbers....
1. start believing that some things do happen with a purpose...
2. being spontaneous in what i think somtimes makes me think im crazy
3. stop thinking of what lies ahead, instead enjoy the moment and savor its greatness - - the feeling of greatness.
4. still continue to love and care to the fullest
5. still continue to understand and not under estimate the power of other
6. from now on do not just stop counting 'till i loose my patience.. instead continue until i forgot what patience is... hehe joke! it would be the other way around.
7. makes yourself happy
8. do not forget to resolve issues before it gets me into trouble.
9. i need more hugs
10. please explain how can i make people know that i am good?... heheh they thought i am suplada.. well i am... if you don't know me well.
11. don't let pressure ruin my day.
12. help! i am not a moring person. so i ahve to be
13. let love be the reaon why i am alive.
14. keep on reading other people's blog. hahahah
15. continue travellin'
16. have to make something about how to have mor eincome over the thought of having a vacation blast next year.
17. pray for everyone!
18. sleep well and forget about nightmares.
19. stop whatever i am doing now!~ heheheh
20. i need tequila.
21. stop thinking over exes! they've been exed!
22. start writing my personal journal on recipes.
23. stop[ ranting over idiots idea
25. go get me self a OB GYNE doctor
26. try to save for my guitar
27. try to cut down softdrinks.
28. i have to make i real.... am i geting married?
29. i need a hug..... i need a hug....
30. i really need a hug.... and akiss onmy forehead.
see after 30...nothing.... life gets complicated.
i will still be needing the hug and hmmm... yeah need a hug and a kiss on my forehead.....

im doing it.

okey lenj, you read me right... ( see text bla ato.. indi call!) baw SSF ... dare again to put down the phone on me and i'll give you what you want, and then i realized he is extra super busy. and im here holding on to my hands trying to describe loneliness and the feeling of giggles over the idea of snooting around others' blogs... hahaah.. okey so i feel always relaxed reading others blogs. and i just couldn't help it not to comment.. heeh sorry about that if im hurting thine feelings bt hey i have nothing to prove except for the idea of thinking the what ifs... of my past.. like hmmm 15years ago i knew you?... hahah.. so the other was really been very well introduced by me through text to lenj... heheh no worries lenj still have no idea who are yuo anyway.... and that connects... and im still thinking... am i gonna get married?... hmmmm re think re evaluate re examine ngak?! same thought ahhh.... brian is not beautiful for now... i so want to go to the other side but am afraid i might bump into the other small but why i will be afraid? hmm maybe its becuz im not ready to face him and tell him that the other small is a one big ( though he is small) liar!? hay naku.... see you around the other!

and when can i hold you again?

the ussual forget nothings of a med student since they are too pre occupied by the idea of having much to offer for the cause or whatever the other med students are up to. but i don't blame you or others for being that kind (the forget the face vis a vis) and i don't expect you to remember me either, since i am always at the dark side of the earth trying to do something too, that i want to do it in a much safer box and conceal me self. too long for a message.
thanks for the invite! nice seein' you around crossing street havin' that face to smile around after your hard-core duty. heeheheh you might think i'm stalking you, but please im not it just so happen that i have to move around the area where you sometimes are. (winks!)

---- and it did made me smile. the thought of something that clings to my brain, and then i recv a text from SSF - message is " 60 anay ta!" what the .... i replied my brain is totally f__d up and that sometmes i get the wrong message since i think a virus is twitching my neurons to think and process the words or the messages that my cellphone is recving is tumbled! i sense a cute relationship ... a friendship blooming along the course of life's B... and now i promise myself to not to put much effort on the words like F - - B---- and others.... this is a start,
also i miss robert, i miss harold, i miss lenj i miss the place and much more of the best company, and yes im answering his thoughts over blog entries... hahaha i miss you guys much....
when can i hold you.... when can i touch you.... when will this strong yearning end.....