men in my life

to start...... with joel ...... then richard.......




with lenjenie...... with robert

















with harold and ramil





and then with my ever loving christian....

g'byes

drove off to the terminal
trying to get the signal
thinking what to say
i cannot say g'bye

i have hurts and pains that remains
you have been so good to me to take it all away
and that goodness and hopeful to all things reigns
still i cannot say g'bye

the feeling is like leaving your home
for the unknown horizon
i don't want to leave
i want to stay and be alive

hold on to the thoughts
not too soon i'll be back
to hold you and not let you go

blue kisses you gave
soon i know i shall crave
you have been so good
all the time you've never been misunderstood

i long for the time
where you will stand by my side
to be hold, to be chersihed
all the days of my life

and now i'm back in your arms
i cannot let go of the feeling that is so warm
burns inside of me, i so want you through and through

lazy day is coming
drench in pain under the rain
still its hard for me to say goodbye

im yours....

i cannot squiz my brain for some thoughts over something that is so unusual happening to me.

so glad that jason's lyrics helps me and backs me up over how i feel ... maybr soon i can do something about my emotions that harold could make music out of it... some sorta kinda " way back into love".. hahahah

now that im not getting married and the situation is sooo fuckin shiet! ha!

here, for my boyfriend --- the person i know who means a lot to me that boyfriend i know i cannot have and i love the most... the last person who would i know wait and stand up beside me.....

im yours..... - jason mraz's

Well, you done done me and you bet I felt it

I tried to be chill but your so hot that i melted

I fell right through the cracks, and i'm tryin to get back

before the cool done run out i'll be givin it my best test

and nothin's gonna stop me but divine intervention

I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

I won't hesitate no more,

no more, it cannot wait i'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me

open up your plans and damn you're free

look into your heart and you'll find love love love

listen to the music at the moment maybe sing with me

Ah, la peaceful melody

It's your god forsaken right to be loved loved loved loved Loved

So, i won't hesitate no more,

no more, it cannot wait i'm sure

there's no need to complicate our time is short

this is our fate, i'm yours

*scat*

I've been spendin' way too long checkin' my tongue in the mirror

and bendin' over backwards just to try to see it clearer

my breath fogged up the glass

and so I drew a new face and laughed

I guess what I'm a sayin'is there ain't no better reason

to rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons

it's what we aim to do

our name is our virtue

I won't hesitate no more, no more

it cannot wait, i'm sure

(there's no need to complicate

our time is short

it cannot wait, i'm yours 2x

no please don't complicate, our time is short

this is our fate, im yours.

no please don't hesitate no more, no more

it cannot wait, the sky is yours!)

time

i am nobody and i know that
the reason i live is to give love and be free to give all my time
there's no price in giving
the reason that i give my time
the only way to make the bond with you
to make a greater foundation for the love that only time knows

if i have the chance to change everything in an instance
i want my life to be in a more of a silent mode
i want it more of i can speak my brain
make other people happy on how i want it to be
that they will love me for whatever i am
whatever my disposition in life
if you can't then let me be
let me be free
its not just you and my world perhaps do not circles yours
my time is my gift

knowing how it works for the people i spend time with
not expecting anything still i am happy with the time i spend with them
at the end of my day God knows i am happy and that i spend time with people
are the best time of my times
if i have not done that i would be just a simple another nobody who does not know what to do
with the time given, that in whatever i do i give love
i express love to the maximum time i have
if not now maybe tomorrow
time only can tell
time only can feel
love is what we need
to feed the world
but how? we should have the time.... the time to spend..
time to give love .....
time to heal ....
time to smile...
time to raise someone's spirit

as the clock tick time is spent.... how did you manage your time?

its like a duh feeling!!!!

went to roxas.. to clear my clouded brain from the issue of just everything that did not quite went the way it should be.. as being planned by me and my bf.. so okey.. i was and yes i am so frustrated of my family. texted my mom that im so tired and had enough of the bullshits that comes around. and now im thinking of all the possibilities of rescheduling the wedding and will try to make ti like hard for them to get along like she can't be able to attend the silver anniversary of chuchuwap oh what a packing sheit"!. ok. bitchy me. and now i think i had so much of booze.. .like i never had this much for the past few months.... i think 12 bottles???? OMG yes i did... over some foods and a good conversation with friends.. so das it.. like right now is snooring asleep and like im blogging my way since words are sooooooo damn falling right in my brain. all i know is that when i come here i love bf soo much and then after i know i do love him so much. ha! take that from a wasted one like me... so have to rest, as my eyes and i feel sleepy now indeed one thing more....
i am so in love with the place....

the story of my life mid 2007

okey i may not this cheesy as my smile here but hey i'm doing fine ...
i keep on missing my friends my kindhearted friends in roxas..

like i get up just this morning and i feel of course feel so much of my bedroom voice since sore throat is not that fully healed... and then i thought of getting away for a while after i got that phone call from my aunt who kinda question the idea of my wedding plans.. what the f_ck is she trying to do?.. oh well they are just soo a like.. with his brothers... wtf they are family ayt!... so thats it... i said to her
i don't want to argue over my idea of wedding date as november as that is what me and bf agreed and planned been planning on that. so she should shut the f_ck up!
and yes she did but deep inside i'm crying out loud becuz i feel so oh my God if only you can see whats lies deep inside christian's .. if only ... if only .... you could give him a chance ... he doesn't deserve to be judge of what he is. even the judges is taking a lot of time to evaluate the idea of who is going to be the winner for the said event.... how come they can't ... they just say things that is of so immature and unthinkable for such i admire the most....
and then here comes my dearest uncle whom i respect the most and i have so much regard to since i considered him as my father since i lost my real father 9 years ago and i know it did helped a lot finding one whom i could pour out infos on... but then i have come to realize that tatay is far very unique ... and i cannot forgive myself for lookin' for another ... but i guess its purpose is for only like having to call .. a father to call my own .. and help me get through the pain of not having him around anymore...... at the end i get frustrated over my idealism ....
i thought that he respects whatever my decision without whimpering over turning down his suggestions but then i have to face the truth that they are all the same and i should not expect something over unexpected... especially now i know that they only speak for the sake of being praised and being look upon as genuinely good.... all praises for them ...... to them you are ingrate! now that you decide on your own ... and did not heed what their decision.... and i am the it! but then as what i always believe things happen for a purpose... for a reason i may not know it right now but for sure i will know that someday it will serve its due.. and all i have to do is prepare whatever and accept the realities and embrace the fact that it is the consequence.

and now we are ready to take the challenge of being together not just as fiance' fiancee thing but together in love life and relationship, united with the blessing of God.. with friends and family to back us both.... prepare na ah...

that feeling

with an umbrella on hand
standing on the sidewalk
rains pour down like crazy
shoes got wet, damn
rain makes me feel so crazy

after a while i kinda love the idea
of standing just there
wishing and hoping
you'd come by and give me a ride
under the pouring rain

minutes passed i cannot take it anymore
hopeless over the idea of getting a ride
i just want to get out of this pouring rain
that is going to ruin my shoes
and i can feel the splattering sound of rain over my shoes
the more i get impatient the crazier the rain pours

humming for already an hour
trying to get that freakin' ride
i asked myself
where the fu_ck are those taxi
when i need them
where the hell are they when the rain comes pouring down
that i need to get me self to downtown
and just go home and snuggle to my bed
why is it that when you are so wanting or needing something
they are just nowhere in sight?

that feeling is the same when i feel lost
and confused
that feeling of emptiness
that feeling of i cannot get enough of you!

lick me!

feast on that...

taken by harold when we had our bora get away - workshop...

i soo miss them..

he was here last tuesday but yeah he stayed at anita's inn as what they call the house of thier goddess mother of pillars... and hell yeah he has to see me or else... hahaha joke ! but yeah i make sure most of the time that we have to meet every now and then whenever they come by since it would be like a thousand minutes again that we won't be seeing each other and that i miss them most of the time. and like they are part of my chaotic crazy world see my brain is getting luckier with words.. and then it means the same as higgledy-piggledy.... words...

oh well back to the story of the day.... this is done after my brain was drenched in blood over that acquaintace i did...

and now im kinda having these HF and jason mraz fever.... all over and again i love listening to their song... like jason mraz becomes HF and HF becomes jason mraz... ahhhhhiiiiii mighty

and then i ask myself.. will there come a time that i would be exulted ( as in?) heeheh over my journals?.. high.... keep on dreamin baby! what the fuckin' hell i would care for that?... all i want to do right now is go out of town be with my friends keep on the beat of singing... up beat my soul and feel refreshingly free from all the chaos of life's idiosyncrasies... and then i again pause and ask myself will i ever be singing my heart out... or i'll be just this person who comes to roxas and jam over and be a music whore with my friend... hayyy i can do that like all day...

like im wishing i if i could find just like a two days together spent with him just to drain my brain over lyrics and do music and sing my freakin' heart out...to keep on dreamin! heeheh becuase it feels like it will be like a dream

see i am suppose to be thinkin' of my wedding plans... as i see it.. things are takin care of by themselves.... ( hows that?) and then i keep on sending my old blog to my unique friends i share to them my past... the past that was so ........ ( no words can describe for now!)

i am now 5 months away from my wedding..... and have to get that cloth for wedding gown.. or better not have one na alng siguro no?... what d you think ???? like as if someone will answer that.... and yes im still on with the "rituali" have to meet the guys over that project of ours....

hmmmm i miss them.... one thing for sure i would want to do now is... go travel to roxas, be with friends... that thoughts keeps on ringing inside my head.... maybe becuz there's this one cute angel who keeps on asking me if im going or not and that he would love to see me....

what the.... i miss him too... ehehehh the geek in the pink! i dunno lng no but his brain is sexy!

that ends of fiction for today.... so you may call it!

acquaintance

started with a nice hi's and hello's to each other
and it dind't bother me for quite a while
caught you lookin' at me and that is what you call stealing stare
i dunno i cannot read your mind i didn't care
after a while we talked about life relationship
my kind of conversation... 'twas so deep
whoa! finding a man in a middle of nothing to do thing
and we talk and talk to let the time passes by
shared some short talks and thoughts
that lifted me high
over ice tea and coffee
and then i bid my goodbye
i have to say goodbye

days passed and got a message
explaining where and how did you got my number
started a nice growing friendship
felt close enough to be my confidante
still i was kinda hesitant
i knew you like a minute a second
still i give in
for i believe that some things happens for a reason
for a purpose of which i usually utterthis to myself
especially when things are out of my hands
and to stop myself from tinkering my emotions
of which again it leads me to depression
and every now and then we message and call each other
take care of each other with a nice comforting words
for us to take the challenges of the day
taking each one step at a time to lighten and brighten the day

everytime you go out with friends
a bottle, two or three feeling free
you'd call and tell me you miss me
though i knew you for second or a minute few weeks ago

lifting me high
with every thoughts of you i sigh

and suddenly you stop
i felt a lump on my gut
to others butterfly in thier stomach

and it bothers me
that i start to question what happen
yes i do not know the answer
i kept still
and end up with its not just you
my world do not wheels to only you

surprising just a minute ago you dropped a call
told you that im messing with my thoughts
and you said thank you
all along its you im thinking

thanks for all the loving and understanding
after all you are just an acquaintance
one i not know if you stay and be my friend
i don't want to know even in an instance
that you'll be staying just an acquaintance.

at the end friendship grows
not just in a pot that glows

I won't put my hands up and surrender,I'm in love and always will be

I dream of rain
I dream of gardens in the desert sand
I wake in pain
I dream of love as time runs through my hand --- lyrics from sting's desert rose...

im inlove and always will be...

i have this very unique circle of friends...
single for life women, married women, priests, deacons, seminarians, nuns, monks, deaf mute, alta social people, caregivers, gays, lesbians, single mothers, thier age varies from 8 years old up to 60 somethings.... its no difference after all.... only on how they view perspectives in life... how they cope with complexities of living... of how they love, of how they fall out of love, of how they manage to build strength for thier younglings' future... how they react to things of such human beings done that affects their beings.... of what matters to them..... of how it is dealt with much care and love and more of life's lessons after each unfolded chapter of their respective lives, of how God walks in and out of thier life... of how painful when death comes .... in their desperate time, in thier time of struggle towards life's joke.. i love sharing it with them... and i feel fulfilled with much awe and gratitude to know that i am part of it....
i never missed.... i never missed love..... i can pledge that there was never a time that i forgot the word love, the act fo love.... of how it manipulates my inner soul..... of how it cradles my being my existence..... ahhh love makes something out of me..... all beczuse i know that God realy exist.... fascinating feeling i have for these past few weeks.... i never felt any baggage of anger... i just let things happen as they are and accept them of what they become, what matters to me is that i know that i fully love.... and that knowing God's time is the perfect time.... that His purpose and plan are much far way much better than my plan.... everythings just falls into places for i know he is with me all the way!!! im in love always will be....
Ad majorem dei Gloriam!!! that in all things God may be Glorified.....